Dogs Are Better Than People

I am a Dog. Dogs are probably the most sophisticated of all species on the planet. OK, well maybe Dolphins or Whales, but we are definitely up there and certainly better than people. How do I know this, because I am a dog. The evidence is all around you. You just have to look at it.

Our Poop is Important!
That's right, humans follow us around and take it away. It's too valuable to leave lying around. You don't see people picking up squirrel poop or bear poop and that is because bears and squirrels aren't as advanced as us dogs. Humans are so ashamed of their poop that they have special rooms they hide in when they poop and they dispose of it immediately. Our poop however, is put into sealed bags and then into plastic storage containers. Once a week, officers come and take it away, I wonder if Humans get paid for our poop? They must.

People Love us More Than Other People
Did you ever watch Humans greet each other, they just barely touch hands. They might have a brief snuggle or a brief lick if they know each other, but that's it. However, they will rub us and tickle us and kiss us all night long. It's natural, we are cuter than most humans and we never judge them.

We have better bodies
This is obvious! We don't need to wear clothes and hide what we look like, but almost all humans do. They are so ashamed of themselves; they even put on special clothes to go in the water. Where is the fun in that?

We Have No Sexual Hang-ups
If it moves, we will hump it. Hell, it doesn't even have to move, nothing like a good chair leg. Humans are so hung up about sex, they don't like for us to hump anything in their presence. However, when THEY want to do it, they have to hide and kick us out of the bedroom, heck we just want to watch...usually.

We are not secretive
Unlike humans who are always sneaking and skulking around, anything we can do, you can watch. Anything! Humans hide things from their bosses, spouses, friends, lovers; they are basically dishonest.

We spend most of our time goofing off and having fun.
We can sleep all day, throw up anywhere, lick ourselves anywhere we want and if we look real cute we can almost get a treat almost when ever we want. Kids, don't try this at home; you WILL get put in time out.

We don't have to work
Everything is provided for us. No job...no boss...no problems! We get free food, free housing, free dental, free travel and anything else we need. Humans spend most of their time working and when not working most of their time complaining about work. Every day is a joy for us, but I am not so sure about humans.

We are godless
Most people would think that by not having a god, we have no soul. Look into my eyes and tell me I have no soul! The benefit is, we have no religion. Now there may be a lot of people that think that is a problem as well and maybe it is. But it also means we have no wars, no missionaries telling us what to believe, no heaven, no hell and we live totally in the moment. Since life happens moment by moment this seems to be a big advantage to me.

We aren't perfect though. I couldn't write this for example without the help of my human. I obviously can't use a keyboard so I have to hypnotize my owner to talk to him so he could write this. So people are good for something, but if I can figure our how to use a keyboard, watch out!