Domestic Abuse and the Single Mom

I met Tessa when my ex-husband was in the military. She was a 20-something, single mom of two, seeking direction in her life. And I was an 18-year-old call center supervisor willing to give her a chance.

Tessa had never had a job so waking up and going to work everyday was a challenge for her. I knew she didn't have a car when I hired her, so I agreed to pick her up each morning. Picking her up soon turned into me calling to wake her up before I left home. And before long, calling to wake her turned into me getting out of the car to knock on the door and wait for her to get dressed when I got there. That turned into me jeopardizing my job because we'd be late every morning.

One morning when I called to wake Tessa, a male answered the phone. I didn't recognize the voice, but there was a lot of noise in the background. That was unusual for her house at six o'clock in the morning. The voice on the other end of the line was a police officer. Tessa's boyfriend had broken into her house and punched her right between the eyes. Unfortunately, this wasn't the first time. And if she'd chosen to stay, I knew it wouldn't be the last.

A few days prior to the assault I had talked to Tessa about my desire to separate from my ex-husband and move closer to my family. She asked if I ever worried about being single forever because no man would want me because I had two kids? Like I said, I was young. And all I knew was that I wanted out of a bad relationship. I never considered staying because I feared that I would never have another relationship. But, apparently, fear of rejection was holding Tessa captive in an abusive relationship. Her boyfriend, by the way, wasn't the father of either of her children. And she felt lucky that he wanted to be with them.

I've never been hit by a man, so it was hard for me to understand her rationale. But as a woman who eventually left her marriage with nothing but the kids and the clothes our backs, I know the feeling of living in fear of taking that first step to leave a dysfunctional relationship and start over with nothing but God and a prayer. Hard? Yes. Impossible? No.

I'm glad I didn't let the stigma of a man not wanting me because I had kids stop me from experiencing what a loving, peaceful relationship is about. And neither should any other single mom, especially one who is living with an abuser.