Domestic Violence - Another Needless Death

Another week and many more women died as a result of domestic violence. Some directly from a shooting, stabbing, or chocking and others indirectly from the injuries suffered from beatings, burns and other abuse suffered over a period of time. All died needlessly at the hands of people that were supposed to have loved them or claimed to love them as they gasped their last breath. Many from just another lie of a promise to change and get help that never materialized.

So you are thinking why did they stay? The reason varies from woman to woman but in reality it only comes down to a very few. Fear of retaliation against them, their children and their extended families, no means of financial support, and the lack of shelters for them to go to.

Domestic violence does not differentiate and crosses ethnic, social, and economic security. Nor does it distinguish between young, or old, single or married and now more than ever between male or female. Lastly it does not differentiate between high school drop outs, people with college degrees, blue collar laborers, and professionals who are supposed to protect the public or govern our country.

How did it get this bad and what can be the solution? I can only offer my opinion. We as a society forget to teach and remind our children that it is not alright to hit, punch or bully someone else. The only thing that changes with bullies as they get older is their size, strength and the way they bully. Teaching children how to get along with other children starts as toddlers and this type of knowledge is not something we are born with and know automatically. This can be taught in schools as young as children in preschool, kindergartner and continued on through high school.

We also have to train our police officers that when they respond to a Domestic Violence call it should be taken seriously and a police officer should take and file a police report especially if the victim wants them to. When the police tell the perpetrator to take a walk and cool down that is not the way to go about it either. Because once the police leave and he comes back to the home the situation is now more dangerous for the victim. He will often beat her more severely, threatens her about ever calling the police on him again and letting her know what will happen if she ever attempts to. She cannot even begin to imagine what will happen then. Now she is too afraid and feeling more helpless than ever to even bother to try and call the police since they didn't do anything to begin with.

If she has the strength to get away, she is being victimized again by the system because she has no documentation or proof of her domestic violence. If she is single, criminal court won't even give her an order of protection unless he is arrested.

We also need stricter laws that will keep him in jail longer than only overnight and release him again to taunt, threaten, stalk and physically abuse or kill again. We also need more Domestic Violence Shelters so that the victims whether single or with families have a safe place to go to immediately and do not have to wait a week or more before something opens up for her and the children. It is more difficult to get single men and women suffering from domestic violence to safety because the shelter spaces for them are almost nonexistent.

Politicians with another election coming up, please listen to the voices of your constituents that cry out for safety and change the laws to do so. Police commissioner, the police need better training on how to handle the victims and the perpetrator. Everyone knows that you do not speak with the victim in front of the perpetrator so why is it still continuing for those victims by the officers. The bruises don't always show up right after the beatings or chocking so why isn't the information that the victim was chocked or beaten put on the report. Listing the incident as harassment is detrimental to the victim not helpful because anyone that has been in front of a judge knows the courts do not think very much about harassment.

Principals you are our first line of defense in getting the programs and curriculum to teach our children about violence both in the school and in the home. Most importantly take a child seriously when they tell you about violence in their home and not dismiss them as not knowing or over reacting. Telling on a parent is not something children feel comfortable in doing because they love them and they do not want them to get into trouble.

Schools should have domestic violence information and emergency phone #'s posted where they are visible.

If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence please call the following:

National: 1-800-799-SAFE
New York: 1-800-621-HOPE or visit http://safehorizon.org