Domestic Violence - What You Can Do as a Friend

Domestic violence is happening everywhere, yes, in your town, in your neighborhood, possibly even in your card party group! It is rampant and when you realize that, hopefully your personal antennae will go out to those in need. Have you ever had a gut feeling that something was just not right with one of your friends or family members? Nothing can possibly prepare you for the shock of finding out that a loved one is living with domestic violence in their lives. Your gut feeling is most likely a marker in you beginning your own investigating into what is really going on with that friend, or family member. You could be the catalyst in starting to help them in deciding to make that decision to change things in their lives, to decide to allow things to be different.

If you are lucky enough for your friend to confide in you about the personal problems she may be having in her relationship, then you have your foot in the door. Do everything you can to talk with her, allow her to talk, don't judge, allow her to cry, ask her how you can help her the most in this time, and perhaps the most important thing, provide her with a safe haven or information about women's shelters in the area, and have her make a plan. Perhaps this is the most vital thing for her to do if she is not in immediate danger. If she is comfortable with telling you about recent incidences, maybe suggest she speak with the local police department or crisis center. If she is ready to make a move in gaining protection for herself, accompany her to the local center for domestic violence or domestic relations and initiate a court order for a protection from abuse order, sometimes called a pfa . Sometimes its a simple as money. If you can provide some money for them to be able to escape with till they know what their plan is, then do it. No one wants to ask for money from a friend, if you volunteer it, it will take the awkwardness out of it.

If you are not fortunate enough for your friend or family member to confide in you but you are suspecting there is something going on, then allow them to know that you are always there to talk or listen if they have a need. Tell them that sometimes things are painful and hard to discuss but that you are willing to be there however they need you. Tell them you are concerned and if they ever need a place to go that your door is open. This allows them to know that while they may not be ready to open up yet about the relationship issues, that someone is on their side and ready to step up for them. If you think they would be open to additional information, perhaps get them a local shelter or crisis center business card and provide phone numbers for them to call for when they are ready.

The thing to remember when you are deciding to help your friend or family member, is to never put yourself at risk during the process. If the victim confides in you , you also become a threat of sorts to the abuser. Stay low key in your help and do everything you can to help but be aware when your doing it. Don't approach the abuser in any way to try to talk to him about the issues. This could make him retaliate against the victim for talking about it. Stay safe and smart!