Domestic Violence Victims: An Open Letter of Help and Support

First and foremost, if you are reading this article and you think that you may be a victim of domestic violence make sure that you are not reading his page from a computer that your abuser has access to. It doesn't matter what you may think, and regardless of what someone else may have told you, you can not ever completely erase anything off of a computer.

If your partner has knowledge of how computers and the Internet works the risk is far too great that he/she will know how to, or can easily find out how to retrieve all evidence of your browsing history...as well as almost anything else that is done on a computer in which he/she has access. If you have started reading this article and you know that your abuser has this knowledge, you might as well keep on reading the entire article...but DO NOT even attempt to try to hide this visit. To be perfectly honest with you, any known attempt to hide site visits from a person who knows what they're doing is absolutely like saying "come and see what I'm trying to hide from you". Instead, when you're done reading this article bury this visit in a massive trail of utterly boring sites that will make him/her quit looking after the first few minutes or so....you know, innocent nonsense and fluff that he/she would have absolutely no interest in. This information is not meant to scare you, it is meant to keep you safe. And, I'm only telling you this because I know how to retrieve just about anything off of a computer, and it's not that difficult at all. However, if your abuser is like the ordinary Joe or Jill and you are sure that he/she will have no idea of how to do such things then read on, then after you're done still make sure to take the necessary steps to cover your tracks of this visit (I'll tell you how later on). One more thing, if your abuser should happen to walk in on you while you're reading this, do not freeze up... (I know, easy for me to say), stay calm, and nonchalantly click on any of the million other unrelated links on this page.

Domestic violence or spousal abuse takes place when one person is physically or verbally abusive to another person in an intimate relationship. When we think about domestic violence, we typically think of it in terms of a man abusing his wife or girlfriend. What we don't usually realize is that it can happen in any form of intimate relationship. Same-sex partners batter each other, and believe it or not...women batter men as well. If you are in a situation where you feel that you may be being abused, one good thing that you can do for yourself is to contact one of the local domestic violence agencies in your area. My experience with domestic violence occurred in the metro Atlanta area, so following this article, I will share a list of those agencies along with some references to national agencies as well. If you do contact a domestic violence agency, choose a time and place where you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you will not be discovered by your partner. Talk honestly about what is going on in your life, really listen to what they have to say about your situation, and seriously consider what they may be able to do for you if you're willing to get help. The best time to contact them is NOT when you're in immediate danger. If you are ever in immediate danger, call 911 first, not only will they provide immediate protection from harm, but they will usually put you in direct contact with your local domestic violence agency as well. Also, a call to 911 will provide documentation of the abusive or volatile incidents. Later on, if you decide to leave and you pursue an order for protection, that documentation may provide the necessary evidence that a judge will need in order to grant your request. I know that it seems odd to people who have never experienced domestic violence, but some of us knows all too well that real life is nothing like the stories that are shown on Lifetime TV. Most people in abusive relationships do not suffer the actual direct abuse as frequently as it is sometimes portrayed. In almost every abusive relationship there are times when everything seems to be going smoothly, but there is still this constant threat of violence. That "constant threat" is the worst thing of all because it can allow a person to be completely controlled by his/her abuser. The battered person starts to settle into a lifestyle of "walking on eggshells" and they can usually, but certainly not always, anticipate their abuser's mood. When your partner is in an abusive mood, the only thing you need to be thinking about is your safety. The best time to make plans is during the calmer times...before the violent moods occur, this is the best time to reflect on your life and to think about the things that you want for your future. Get in a safe place, make those phone calls, and start to draw up safety plans in the event that you should need to leave your home in a hurry.

I know that for some people, an immediate response to someone who physically abuses them is to strike back. Don't believe the hype, this is nonsense. First of all, if law enforcement is summoned, they can probably take either you or your abuser straight to jail if they see evidence of physical violence on either of you...it doesn't matter who started it. Francine Hughes (the actual victim from the movie The Burning Bed) may have gotten away with setting her husband on fire, but you probably would never be so lucky. More women land in America's prison system because they've tried to defend themselves against an abusive partner than you would believe. This is why I suggest that you get help while things are relatively calm. Do not wait until you are put into a position where you may have to defend your life, get help now.

I know that it is really hard to imagine starting your life anew without your partner, and honestly, I cannot even imagine what it must be like to even think about parting from someone that you are truly in love with...but if that person is hurting you, you've got to find it within yourself to chose yourself over him/her. When all is said and done, the truth of the matter is this: no one can save you from your abuser unless you are ready and willing to save yourself first. If you have children, everything that I have said in this article is triply stressed. If you're not going to get help for yourself, then you'd better help those children because they didn't ask to be born. You are God to them and it is your job to protect them. They cannot defend themselves; it is up to you to defend them. Sorry, that may have been a bit harsh, but imagine how "harsh" it must be for your kids to be subjected to a violent environment. I'm not a counselor or a lawyer (yet), I'm just someone who has walked in your shoes so I know what I'm talking about. I cannot make you pick up the phone and get help; all that I can do is provide you with some resources, so that when you're ready to change your life you will be armed with valuable information to aid you in your quest:

Safer Computer Usage:

*Use some of these tips to keep your abuser from easily identifying your Internet visits, but remember what I stated in the beginning of this article:

http://www.microsoft.com/windows/ie/ie6/using/howto/customizing/clearcache.mspx

http://www.ndvh.org/educate/internet.html

http://www.wikihow.com/Delete-your-Usage-History-Tracks-in-Windows

SIGNS THAT YOU ARE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP:

Again, if you're sure that your abuser is clueless about how to trace your steps then the one best site to visit would be the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence's (NCADV) Online Hotline @ http://www.ndvh.org/. However, if you don't want to visit that site today, this information is pulled directly off of their site:
*Content from NDVH.org may be used as long as NDVH is citied as the source.

Does your partner:

· Embarrass you with put-downs?

· Look at you or act in ways that scare you?

· Control what you do, who you see or talk to or where you go?

· Stop you from seeing your friends or family members?

· Take your money or Social Security check, make you ask for money or refuse to give you money?

· Make all of the decisions?

· Tell you that you're a bad parent or threaten to take away or hurt your children?

· Prevent you from working or attending school?

· Act like the abuse is no big deal, it's your fault, or even deny doing it?

· Destroy your property or threaten to kill your pets?

· Intimidate you with guns, knives or other weapons?

· Shove you, slap you, choke you, or hit you?

· Force you to try and drop charges?

· Threaten to commit suicide?

· Threaten to kill you?

If you answered 'yes' to even one of these questions,
you may be in an abusive relationship.

CONTACT THE NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE @ 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224.

PRINTABLE SAFETY PLANS:

Use common sense; don't keep this information somewhere where your abuser can find it. Print these only if it is safe to do so.

http://www.hubbardhouse.org/hh/doc/adult_safety_plan_2007.pdf

http://www.hubbardhouse.org/hh/doc/adult_safety_plan_2007.pdf

NATIONAL & LOCAL (ATLANTA METRO) DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AGENCIES

Again, if you are in immediate danger, always dial 911 first, in lieu of any of these other numbers. If you live elsewhere in Georgia, outside of the three area code metropolitan Atlanta area, you may contact The Georgia Coalition Against Domestic Violence's 24 hour Hotline at 1-800-33-HAVEN. If you live in any other state in this country, and you need help, you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 24 hours a day at 1-800-334-2836. If you are Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual or Transgender you could think about contacting the GLBT National Hotline as well, their toll free, 24 hour hotline is 1-888-THE-GLNH (843-4564). All of the Metro Atlanta crisis lines listed below are staffed 24 hours a day as well.

Partnership Against Domestic Violence (PADV)

Confidential Address

Fulton County Crisis Line: 404-873-1766

Gwinnett County Crisis Line: 770 - 963-9799

Cherokee Family Violence Center, Inc.

Confidential Address

Canton Crisis Line: 770-479-1703

Project Renewal

Confidential Address

Conyers Crisis Line: 770-860-1666

Forsythe County Family Haven, Inc.

Confidential Address

Cumming Crisis Line: 770-887-1121

International Women's House

Confidential Address

Decatur Crisis Line: 770-413-5557

Women's Resource Center To End Domestic Violence

Confidential Address

Decatur Crisis Line: 404-370-7670

S.H.A.R.E. House, Inc.

Confidential Address

Douglasville Crisis Line: 770-489-7513

Fayette County Council of Domestic Violence

Confidential Address

Fayetteville Crisis Line: 770-460-1604

Flint Circuit Council on Family Violence

Confidential Address

McDonough Crisis Line: 770-954-9299

Clayton County Association Against Family Violence

Confidential Address

Morrow Crisis Line: 770-961-7233

Peace Place, Inc.

Confidential Address

Winder Crisis Line: 770-586-0927

YWCA of NW Georgia

48 Henderson St.

Marietta, GA 30064

Crisis Line: 770-427-2902

That's it. Take care of yourself; you've only got one shot at this life, why not try to be truly happy for a change? You deserve to live a life free of violence, stress, and misery.