Domestic Violence: The Victim's View

There is often some disagreement as to what exactly should be included in the definition of domestic violence. Because of this, there are discrepancies as to just how prevalent it is; some studies show that 3% (about 1.8 million) women are assaulted by male partners, while other studies show the rates to be as high as 65%. Domestic violence is almost impossible to stop because it is hard to report. As stated before, there is such a wide variance of definitions of what it should include. Some believe that it should include verbal and economic abuse as well as the physical violence.

Domestic violence runs across all genders, races, socioeconomic classes, religions, etc., although there are certain groups more at risk. In this paper, in this article "he" is used synonymously with "abuser," because more often than not, it is a male who is committing the abuse. When males are victims of domestic violence, it is often the consequence of the female trying to protect herself from abuse. However, this does not mean that men are always the abusers. Domestic violence is most prominent among women the ages 16-24. Black men and women suffer from the highest rates of domestic violence, and lower class women experience it more often than women with higher income status. The third most frequent problem for gay and lesbian couples is violence.

Do not even begin to think that after leaving one abusive relationship, it all ends there and life is peachy keen again, because it has been proven that those who are divorced or separated have the highest rates of victimization, as compared to those who have never been married. Many women aren't aware when they are in an abusive relationship, and when they finally do, they are so entwined in it that it's too difficult for her to leave. A woman who is abused shouldn't let the focus fall on leaving her abuser. She must first do what is necessary to get her life in order to help her prepare for leaving. Also, leaving an abusive relationship is not a guarantee that the abuse will stop. Yet another disadvantage of leaving an abusive relationship is that her standard of living will greatly decrease. In the first year after a divorce, the woman's standard of living drops 73%, while a man's improves by 42% (Baca Zinn & Eitzen, 378, 380).

Many victims fail to report abuse against them for several reasons; it is at this time when the batterer tends to get even more violent and often threatens to harm her again, the children or even himself. This is the time when the highest risk of death or serious injury occurs-when the decision is made to separate or the actual separation occurs. Though contrary to common belief, many victims do leave the violent relationships. It usually takes an average of seven times, but over 75% of abused women do leave!

Bruises aren't the only result of domestic abuse. Low self esteem, guilt and a loss of self-worth may also occur. Many times, women rationalize the abuse, believing they caused or deserved it, thus thinking they aren't worthy of help from anyone. This is quite imaginable after one is subjected to being told and led to believe they are worthless, a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts if you will. Occasionally, these abused women will try to "fix" the problem, talk it out, fight back, or may even try to change their own behavior to please the abuser. A 1999 study from John's Hopkins shows that "abused women are at higher risk of miscarriages, still births, and infant deaths...more likely to give birth to low birth weight children." The violence that these women incur may cause them to become depressed or preoccupied with violence, irritable, feel hopeless, or emotionally withdrawn.

The cycle of violence is composed of three phases: tension building, battering, and honeymoon. In the tension-building phase, little things begin to annoy the abuser. This then leads into the battering phase, which is where the actual abuse occurs. The battering in this phase may escalate over time as the abuse continues. About 2/3 of the reported domestic violence cases are classified as simple assaults, which is a misdemeanor. But these "simple" assaults are more serious than 90% of all rapes and robberies in terms of the amount of physical injury sustained. In the honeymoon phase, many times the batterer makes excuses for his actions and apologizes saying "Oh honey, I'm so sorry, it won't ever happen again, I promise."

Women are commonly reluctant to ask for help from the criminal justice system, and often find that the system fails to offer the amount of help they need. If the abuse is reported and an arrest is made, charges are not often brought about (and if they are, usually are dropped). Arrest is the least frequent response method to domestic violence. Thus, the conviction rate in domestic violence cases remains quite low. Most of the time, a women's doctor is the one person a victim feels comfortable discussing the matter with. However, many physicians are reluctant to believe that such violence is occurring in their patient's lives, and quite often overlook the signs.

Abuse is all about power and control (Baca Zinn & Eitzen, 340). The effects of abuse in society are colossal and almost impossible to measure adequately. Everyone suffers; we all know someone who is abused, whether we are aware of it or not. Education is the key to beginning to prevent domestic violence. If we all know the precursors and signs of an abusive person, the more we can try to get them help. Not only education on the signs of an abusive relationship, but also what she can do to help herself. Her rights as a victim as well as her family's rights are important. This education can be obtained by reading books on the subject, searching the Internet, as well as visiting a local law library which is open for public use.