Domestic Violence: Women Are Not the Only Victims, Men and Children Suffer Too

I am writing this as a woman, and a former victim who lived through a horrible situation as a battered woman. I do understand and acknowledge that men can be victims of abuse just as easily as women. It appears that more women tend to be abused in relationships than men. There is far more public awareness about domestic violence involving women. The others people who are left out are the men and children who are impacted by domestic violence.

After living through a nightmare relationship with a very abusive man, I had to run away from him. I was young and around 19 years old. Of course I had no idea what I was doing. I knew that he had abused a woman before, but he swore that she was lying and that it wasn't as bad as she made it out to be. Of course being the naive young girl that I was, I wanted to believe that he was no longer the same man. My gut kept telling me to run like hell from this guy. Not to mention that my family and friends also told me to get rid of him. I should have listened to my gut and my family regarding this man. He hid his past, and what was not hidden he lied about. By the time it was all said and done, I truly had no idea of who this man was. I knew very little of him and even though I lived with him for an extended period of time. I was forced to physically escape from him. Once I had escaped I knew that there was nothing that he could do to convince me to ever return to living that way again.

Oddly enough the relationship started out completely normal. He was 21 and I was 19. We met through a mutual friend and hit it off. Things were fine until the first time that I disagreed with him, he hit me so hard in my ear it actually caused hearing loss. This was only the first time; he promised that it would never happen again that I shouldn't have made him so mad. He made it out to be all my fault but he forgave me. He was quite the smooth talker; he could convince you of almost anything. Each time the abuse increased. He would hit me in places that wouldn't leave marks that were visible, like the head and certain pressure points that would cause temporary paralysis. He would fly off the handle for the slightest thing, if I disagreed with him, or if he thought that I was looking at another man on the street, or anything he could think of at the time. He had real issues and it wasn't until I had a child that I realized that this man was eventually going to kill me and my son. I knew that I had to leave to protect my son and his future.

Domestic violence doesn't discriminate; it can come into your life before you even realize what has happened. It only takes one time for your partner to hit you and then tell you how sorry they are and that they will never do it again. That seems to be a typical pattern for abusive partners. They will swear up and down how they will change, and before you know it they will be blaming you for what they did. They will say things such as well you shouldn't have done that, I didn't want to hurt you, but you made me so angry. It's never your fault and anyone who tells you that it is wrong. No one deserves to be abused. Once the abuser has hit you, they will try to smooth things over by leading you into the honeymoon phase. This is a common tactic for abusive men to try and convince their partner just how sorry they are and how they will never hurt them again. This of course is usually a lie; the abuser will soon re-offend without any outside help from professionals. Usually the abuse gets worse; it doesn't get better without the intervention of help for the abuser and the victim. In these abusive relationships, the trust has been diminished and a stable relationship cannot be achieved.

For those in situations in which the partner has made threats against them or their children, the victim should be seeking help and trying to find a way out. While many women in this situation worry that the abuser will hunt them down an escape plan should be kept in mind. Many victims of abuse worry that if they leave they will be killed or harm will come to their children. It sounds horrible but it's the ugly truth about domestic violence. The truth of the matter is that the longer you stay in an abusive relationship the harder it will be for you to leave and the great risk of irreparable damage and even death are likely to occur. Not to mention the fact that children who grow up in homes with violence are more likely to abuse their own partners and children. If you cannot find the courage to leave for yourself, you should leave for your children and their future.

For some victims of abuse there may be no way out. This may seem especially true if the abuser has caused you to alienate anyone in your life who would help you, this can be problematic. There are of course alternate options available. There are many organizations available to help battered women and children. There are also some available options for men who are battered.

There are many things you should watch out for if you think that someone you are with is abusive. The first sign and most obvious is if they have ever hurt you, your children or other people you care about. If they threaten you it's time to get away from them. Tell someone you trust what is happening, it's important for someone to know what's going on if you or your children are at risk for being abused. This sounds so easy but I know firsthand how difficult it can be to escape a violent partner. Seek help from the police, your family and friends if available. You should obtain a restraining order if you believe that your life or others lives could be in danger this of course depends on the regulations and laws of where you live. However the best way to secure a restraining order is to ensure that you report any abuse immediately to the police.

I have also included some resources for seeking help if you are in an abusive relationship.