Dom's B-Movie Round-Up Issue #1

This 1956 Yeti romp isn't as worthless as one might think. Granted, it's no a-movie, but for a schlocky divertissement that only runs for an hour, it's mildly entertaining. This was cult director Jerry Warren's first foray into low-grade cinema. He would later go on to helm dyslexic favorites such as "The Wild World of Batwoman" and "Frankenstein Island." "Man Beast" is regarded as his most accomplished mischance of a movie. Make of that what you will. The plot concerns an expedition in the Himalayas that is blitzed by abominable snowmen. Are they human? Are they mere beasts? Could it be that they are MAN BEASTS????

The best Yeti film out there would have to be Hammer's "The Abominable Snowman." It's classy, suspenseful, and intellectual. "Man Beast" is none of those things, but it's pretty damn fun. The creature suits are rad (yes, rad), and the Arctic varmints pop up when you least expect them to. They have a surprisingly intimidating presence, although they aren't graced with nearly enough screen time. The amateurish acting is digestible. I was drawn to the cute, clueless Virginia Maynor. She had an atypical look for a 50's actress, and her character is more assertive than most b-movie heroines. Her male co-stars...well, they're not cute, so I didn't care about them.

The twist ending is effective. I didn't see it coming, although the climax could have been more climactic. I wasn't affronted by this flick's shortcomings since I wasn't expecting high art. If you see "Man Beast" lying recumbent in a discount bin, take pity on the cheese sandwich and pick it up.

Grotesque

Linda Blair is one of those scream queens that was able to get away with starring in lesser horror films. She won us over with her charm and her affable screen presence. It's a shame that her career peaked with "The Exorcist." It's also a shame that she had to resort to wearing skimpy clothing in order to stay abreast of "the scene." On second thought, that's not a shame. In any event, her throwaway role in 1988's "Grotesque" saves this uneven millpond of mediocrity from being totally unwatchable. The script tells of a woodsy locale that is plundered by punks (every character refers to them as "punkers," which is hilarious for all the wrong reasons).

What these punk(er)s don't realize is that they are incurring the wrath of a deformed man who will stop at nothing to avenge the deaths of his family members. "Grotesque" is amusing for 20 minutes. Pretty soon, it becomes apparent that the film has no idea what to do with itself. The make-up effects are embarrassing, the cast is annoyingly over-the-top, and the ending is worthless. "Grotesque" ends about three times. Each twist is supposed to be more shocking than the last, but the only shocks I experienced were the ones that I administered to myself to stay awake.

There are alternate endings to this flick. I keep reading about a ridiculous capoff involving a werewolf (!), but my copy ends on a werewolf-less note. While Linda Blair is billed as the star, she only appears in the first half of the film. She had just exited her vixen stage, so we don't get to see her in any saucy outfits. Poo. I can't recommend "Grotesque," unless you are determined to sift through Blair's entire filmography.