Dom's B-Movie Round-Up #27

There were several Asian horror films made from 1975 to 1985 that were just as nauseating as the cannibal flicks that Italy was cranking out at the time, if not more so. "The Killer Snakes" isn't as disturbing as, say, "Centipede Horror," but it's still a sinuous share of sleaze supremacy. It's too sleazy to screen in a strip club. Now that's sleazy. I've always been able to stomach extreme cinema, so this Hong Kong oddity wasn't too much for me to handle. I wouldn't recommend it to casual horror fans, and I definitely wouldn't recommend it to anyone who is remotely afraid of snakes. This nuthouse is swollen with snakes, all of which appear to be real. Who needs special effects when you have kooky, irresponsible filmmakers?

In reference to the storyline, "Snakes" is an obvious retread of "Willard." A cowering wastrel finds that he has a telepathic link with reptiles. He uses this gift to take revenge on those who have bullied him. The death sequences may induce the heebie-jeebies and/or the creepy-crawlies. As I professed earlier, most of the snakes are real, but I'm just now getting to the point where I tell you that the snakes are gutted and sliced in half for the sake of entertainment. The film is disturbing enough without animal cruelty. There is also plenty of rape, sodomy, sadism, masochism, and snake rape. A mildly satisfying character study is piled beneath all of the shock stratagems. Few smut savants will even notice the potential depth at play. Anyone else will switch off "Snakes" halfway through the hullabaloo.

Interesting? Yes. Good? I wouldn't go that far. If you're the type of film buff that goes cuckoo for Asian caca, then you might see something in "The Killer Snakes." Honestly, I'd rather watch "Anaconda." Twice.

Demon Keeper (1994)

In 1994, Roger Corman took a break from remaking his own films to produce "Demon Keeper," a no-budget travesty about dueling psychics who inadvertently summon a demon. God, this is an awful movie. I can't believe that I watched the entire thing. I feel like I committed a crime. It took a wall of effort to write about this partial birth abortion, so I hope that this review is appreciated by many. Corman must have some sort of death wish. The swollen ovaries in this motion picture (herein referred to as "characters") are possessed by a demon that stands off-set on a sound stage spruced up with pink lighting and a fog machine. The demon footage probably belonged to a different film at some point.

The "characters" are played with the kind of attention to detail that you would give to the preparation of a turkey sandwich. The late Edward Albert tries his best, which closely resembles his worst. He had funny teeth. Director Joe Tornatore also helmed "Grotesque," a mediocre slasher starring Linda Blair. Man, keep an eye on this guy. If anyone cares, all of the kills in "Demon Keeper" are off-screen. I don't even recall seeing a drop of blood. I have nothing else to say. Why am I not getting paid for this? I should be rewarded with tax cuts for enduring this onerous orchiectomy. Do an image search for "orchiectomy." I dare you.