Dom's B-Movie Round-Up #29

Ah, another film that I own. I don't mean "own" in the sense that I bought the video; I mean "own" in the sense that I'm one of five people (and that's overshooting it a bit) who have seen "Star Time." I feel like I've earned the right to obtain part ownership of the intellectual property. Why shouldn't I own the distribution rights to this flick? If not for this capsule, it would more than likely remain in a static vacuum where it would collect dust until the end of (star) time. Well, maybe not, but I don't know many folks who would actually choose to give a film of this...quality any exposure at all. I would usually start berating the film at this point, but as fate would have it, "Star Time" isn't too shabby.

The plot follows a young man named Henry who goes off the deep end after his favorite television show is cancelled. Sam Bones, a character that exists in Henry's imagination, encourages the blanched bugger to go on a killing spree. The cover art makes "Star Time" look like a dopey slasher, but surprisingly, it falls under the mindf*ck category. This is a psychological ostentation of oblique metaphors and twisted imagery. It's not as confusing as "Donnie Darko" or "The Attic Expeditions," but it's not entirely linear either. The script masterfully prods themes of media corruption, obsession, and the commercialization of sexuality.

First-time director Alexander Cassini impressed the clover-shaped marshmallows out of this journalist. Whatever happened to the guy? He utilizes unique camera angles, visual allegories, and moody lighting with judicious gallantry. It didn't hurt that he happened to have capable actors to work with. Cult straight man John Ryan plays Sam Bones with a frazzled sincerity. I'm a fan. He's so damn good at what he does. Lead nutcase Michael St. Gerard would probably come off better starring opposite a lesser thespian. His flaws beam like floodlights when bouncing off of Ryan. The rest of the cast is passable, but this is John Ryan's show. By the way, I'm quite fond of John Ryan.

I wasn't expecting to dig this askant motion picture, but it wound up being a worthy rental. 90% of the people who will read this review (so basically, 9 people) will never find a copy of "Star Time." The other 10% won't care enough about the film to search for it. I say, so be it! It's my movie anyway.

Deathrow Gameshow (1987)

"Deathrow Gameshow" was ahead of the curve. I'm not sure if it was a learning curve or a spinal curve, but I have to admit that the storyline is quite original. A game show in the "future" bestows fortune upon the winners and kills the losers. All of the contestants are convicts on death row. Sometimes, the grand prize is simply a pardon from the governor. Cute concept, eh? Interestingly enough, "Gameshow" was released the same year as "The Running Man." Any similarities between the two films end there, as this haywire hayride couldn't have cost the filmmakers any more than a few bucks and a wristwatch. Could this be a diamond in the rough? I was hoping so, but it's more like gravel in a musty latrine.

The opening credit sequence tricked me into believing that I was watching a cult classic of sorts. This is a horror/comedy hybrid that isn't terribly horrific or comedic. The odd pratfall violated my funny bone, but on the whole, the laughs didn't pop up often enough. I can't blame the actors. Actually, I can, but they did what they could with limited resources. And the horror? No gore, no suspense, no plot twists...hell, there wasn't a plot to twist. The villain is just some annoying greaseball with a painful Italian accent. Director Mark Pirro is also responsible for "Rectuma" and "Curse of the Queerwolf." Need I say more? I hope not because I'm not feeling the inspiration to prattle on about this tragic washout. Those on death row would probably see lethal injection as a benign alternative to viewing "Deathrow Gameshow."