Don Pennington: At Last, the Interview

Recently Don Pennington interviewed me here, and he did a superb job, considering what he had to work with. As per the agreement, I was supposed to write an article about the interview in return, which is only fair. But do I play fair? Well, let me tell you what happened.

I asked Don if he would consent to an interview. With much cajoling and many promises (not telling what they were), he at last agreed to be interviewed. That's very brave of him, considering all the interview questions and comments he has flung at AC writers for a long time now, and I commend him for accepting the interview.

But come on, I figured he should be the interviewee for a change! I know people have wondered how he would answer some of his own questions. If nothing else, after having been the recipient of his questions, I figured at least the former interviewees might like to see him being put on the spot a bit, too.

One note: I have shamelessly copied a number of questions from his own interviews of AC writers, but I have also included some new questions of my own.

So here is daring, darling, hard-driving Don Pennington's interview and how he responded to the interview process itself.

Interview Question Number One: What is your AC Name? What is your AC CP Page link?

DP: My AC pen-name, and my real name, is Donald Pennington. You can get to my AC Source page via http://www.associatedcontent.com/user/111823/donald_pennington.html.

Interview Question Number Two: To elaborate on that introduction, Don - tell me how you really want to be introduced. Any favorite quotes? Is there something you really want to not forget to tell the world?

DP: You can introduce me however you like. Just about anything by Groucho Marx is a favorite quote of mine. "Outside of a dog a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." That, and the entire lyrics of, "Live and Let Die." (SE: Great song: But if this ever changin' world / in which we live in / Makes you give in and cry / Say live and let die.) Feel free to use any of them or just make something up as long as I don't end up sounding like Mary Poppins with chest hair.

Interview Question Number Three: Mary Poppins? You hardly come off like that. Please tell us a little about yourself; who you are, where you're from, where you went to school, etc.

DP: I don't really know how to answer the "who you are" part. We all change constantly. It's part of growing. Right? There. That's who I are...I'm the "constantly changing guy."

I'd guess I'm from Texas originally because: a) That's where I got my first driver's license; b) most of my siblings are there; and c) It's what my Dad told me. But he had an oddly sarcastic sense of humor. He might have been joking. I could be an Okie for all I know.

I went to the Borger Independent School district. Which was convenient because I lived in Borger. I try not to remember much of that time in my life because we were very poor so people were very crappy to us all. It just served to make me a much stronger man in rough situations though. But I must admit that I was as big a small-minded jackass as any of them were, too.

I've been around. I've been on the beaches of both oceans. I've been lost in the woods and lost in the desert and lost in several cities. In being lost so many times I've learned to find my way, and sometimes, I've found myself.

I once walked across the entire city of Phoenix, Arizona with a full sea-bag on my back. I got the sea-bag from an unsuccessful attempt at conforming to the traditions of the US Navy.

Interview Question Number Four: Sounds like you've had an adventurous, interesting life. Tell me, how did you get started in writing? How long have you been doing it?

DP: I've been a cook, an advertising salesman, a banker, a general laborer, a peddler, a janitor, a window-washer, a business owner, a business manager, a cab driver, a pizza delivery driver, a telecommunications sales manager, a gigolo, a husband, and also am a Dad.

But the longest career I ever held down was as a liar, a con man, and a drug addict. I failed at every one of those so now I just write.

Writing has always been my first love and destiny. When I was about six years old I wrote a four line poem titled "Rain." It had rhyme, meter, and rhythm... (SE: At age six? Wow. I'd like to read it.) I even made this little notebook paper "book" for it. It was good. I gave it to my Mom as a gift because she was so tired from working so much to feed us five hellians and one sweet wonderful daughter. I don't know what she ever did with it. So I took it as a failure. But I've always been able to paint pictures with words.

Once I hit bottom in life, I realized (duh!) that "Rain" wasn't a failure. Mom was just tired beyond belief. Once it dawned on me that all of the people I've talked into (or out of) things, all of the sales-letters that actually got folks to send me money, and all of the near-death experiences I'd made it through, just because I could talk the way I do, that I was born to having a way with words.

But I've only been publishing with AssociatedContent.com since September of 2007.

Interview Question Number Five: And in that time, you've written well over 400 articles so far - that's incredible, at least to me. You're so prolific; tell me, what inspires you as a writer?

DP: A hot shower on a Sunday morning, cold showers on a Friday night, the laughter of children, memories, regrets, seeing old people holding hands after sixty years of marriage and thinking, "That coulda been me", watching a couple break up in front of a library and knowing how they both feel, the sound of breaking glass, Alex Jones, the weather report, watching planes taking off, watching planes land, flirting with that redhead at McDonald's, fear of cancer, homelessness, hunger, the way oatmeal raisin cookies taste in milk, the fact that I shouldn't be drinking milk, and crying every time I hear on the news that someone's baby has been kidnapped and wanting to hug my own but they're not here. You know...the usual stuff.

Interview Question Number Six: Those are cool things to get inspired by. If you do get writer's block, what do you do to break the creative dam?

DP: This might sound kinda weird...but I don't get writer's block. (SE: Somehow, I knew you were going to say that.) I get "first paragraph block." The ideas are always there...even when I'm sleeping. Once I get the first paragraph down the rest just flows along. When I get stuck bad on a first paragraph I just go do something else. Just as soon as both my hands are full of lots of things, and it would be a pain-in-the-butt to stop, the first paragraph comes to me.

Other than that this laptop goes with me everywhere. And if my battery's dead I carry at least three pens, two (sharpened) pencils, and two empty notepads everywhere I go until I can charge up again somewhere...

Most of my best stuff will never show up on AC, and if it were to, I wouldn't get the credit because I sold the full rights to someone else.

Interview Question Number Seven: Three pens, two pencils, and a notepad - you sound like a typical writer. What would you say are some of your best AC titles?

DP: Oh. So this is what you folks mean when you say "What do you mean the best?" Now I get it. Why didn't you guys tell me? If I had to choose a favorite I'd say "An Oasis in the Desert." Because I'm donating 100% of all page view earnings to them for that piece. That little church in the desert saved my life. So far I've only been able to send them a couple of bucks.

Interview Question Number Eight: (SE: I'm hereby issuing a challenge to all AC writers - I will click on that URL at least once a day for thirty days - can you meet or better me? Let's all help that place. And what the heck, AC pays for it, anyway.) Speaking of AC, Don - if you could improve AC in any one way; what would it be?

DP: As far as how they treat us, the one and only thing is that I'd ask of them if they need to delete a piece for some reason, please let us know first. If there's something we can do to "fix" whatever the problem is first, then I think as the creator of that work, we deserve a chance to rectify. It's kind of heart-breaking when a piece that's pulled in thousands of page views gets pulled because of something some jackass put into a comment that we were unaware of. Some of these pieces take a lot of work. (SE: Tell me about it.)

But I'll also admit that there have been a couple of pieces with certain comments that I responded to in a certain way, that maybe I should've held my tongue a bit.

At the very least, if a piece gets pulled (I understand that sometimes they have to do it right now), and if I inquire as to why it was pulled, could they respond please? Is it so much to ask? We all understand that the admin has certain responsibilities, obligations, and liabilities that we Sources are unaware of. The boss always has more responsibilities than what's seen. And I also appreciate deeply all that the staff at AC does for us already. But really...don't we at least deserve an answer when we inquire why a piece was pulled, and maybe how it might be fixed, if possible? Please?

Outside of that one thing I love everything about AC and that wonderful staff.

Interview Question Number Nine: I agree. AC has been good to me, for sure, and I have the highest regard and respect for them. I can only hope that respect is mutual. Mutual respect would include letting us know if they are going to pull an article, I would think.

OK, enough of AC for now. What type of personality would you say you are?

DP: I don't really fit the Barron-Tieger model in any way. It really depends on the moment. There have been times when I've left good friends hanging. There have been times that I've defended enemies. I think I have a chemical imbalance of some sort.

Interview Question Number Ten: What have you done in life that you're the proudest of?

DP: I fathered four of the greatest kids on earth. I finally quit smoking pot. I only wish it had been in that order.

Interview Question Number Eleven: Whom do you admire or look up to, either living or historical (dead)?

DP: I look up to, and down upon, no one. I've seen some really fine examples of how to live in a garbage collector. I've had the pleasure of meeting some honest used car salespeople. Yet I've also met some "fine upstanding" banking executives that should be thrown under the jail and left there to rot.

Anyone who lives right is a hero in my book right now.

I'd say we all owe Beethoven's Dad one for seeing their poverty and the fact that so many of his other children were born handicapped in some way or another, and yet he didn't abort Beethoven. Now Beethoven's music has gotten me through so much.

I admire the un-named people of history too. George Washington didn't win the revolution. Those anonymous soldiers did. Christopher Columbus might've persuaded the King and Queen of Spain to fund his voyage, but it was his crew that didn't toss him overboard.

Interview Question Number Twelve: Yep, history ignores the "little people", but history would be impossible without them - uh, us.

If we were only able to tell the world one thing about you; what would you want us to say?

DP: Send lawyers, guns, and money.

OK, now for some questions of mine. *chuckle*

Interview Question Number Thirteen: The ladies on AC seem to love you, Don. Tell me, what's your secret?

DP: What are you talking about? I'm afraid I don't know what you mean. Hey! If someone's crushing on this fat bald guy then do me a favor and tell me. I could use the cheering up! I'm not so great at hints either...I'm a guy. Just please, please, please don't have cankles or be toothless. If you are toothless and have cankles just be honest and upfront. We can still be good friends. Just no more deception please.

Interview Question Number Fourteen: If you met someone you really, really liked, what would the first date be like?

DP: Let's just say that I don't show up with flowers and candy. Each woman is different, yet every woman is the same, just like us men. I've only been on a few dates where we both weren't laughing ourselves silly. And whenever I bore someone that badly, I just take 'em on home and wish 'em goodnight with no explanations or apologies.

I'm not an ass or un-gentlemanly about it... and I'm smiling the whole time. But why on earth go out with someone if you're not wanting to have fun?

Interview Question Number Fifteen: That sounds like an honest approach to dating. So tell me, how would you define "friend"?

DP: A true friend? That's easy. They're very, very rare. They're someone who can have anything I own. The feeling is mutual. It goes without saying.

Interview Question Number Sixteen: What is your favorite quality in a friend and why?

DP: Honesty. I'm so sick of (bleep)ing (bleep)ity (bleep)er (bleep)ing liars. There are no dark secrets that all humans don't share. There are no embarrassing family members you need to hide from me. There are very few mistakes I haven't made myself as well. There are so few flaws that I don't share also. If you do have one of those flaws that I don't have also, then I'm probably not talking to you anyway.

I once made a friend that didn't lie to me (that I know of... she probably did) so much, but she lied about her and me to her boyfriend to his face without batting an eyelash. He was a really good guy. But she and her daughter would sit and laugh and cackle about the boyfriend behind his back about what a loser he was, and so on and so forth, so badly that I moved out and went back to homelessness because of how sick at the stomach I felt about it all. I really can't stand dishonesty.

Interview Question Number Seventeen: With whom would you like to be trapped on a desert island and why?

DP: Megan Mulally. If you have to ask why, you're too young to be reading this.

Interview Question Number Eighteen: What type of place would you like to vacation?

DP: Anywhere...as long as I had plenty of money, my laptop, and a good Wi-Fi connection.

Interview Question Number Nineteen: I know you have strong political views, Don, as I have read about in your articles. Tell me, if you could change one thing in the government, what would that be and why?

DP: I would eliminate the Federal Reserve and the IRS.

Interview Question Number Twenty: Really. So what would you replace it with?

DP: Not one damn thing.

Interview Question Number Twenty-One: Interesting. How would you define the word "freedom"?

DP: The right to live with all of the consequences of your mistakes just as much as the right to live with all of the benefits of your good decisions... unfettered.

Interview Question Number Twenty-Two: Sounds like a good definition to me. On to a more personal note, what would you say is your philosophy of life?

DP: Ultimately we all stand alone. Death is the ultimate tragedy. Good friends are worth keeping whether you like them or not. What doesn't kill me makes me stronger...but it still pisses me off. Psychology is biology. Biology is chemistry. Chemistry is physics. Physics is math. I have hundreds of these. Do you really want me to list all of them? Altogether it's a very complicated equation for living.

Interview Question Number Twenty-Three: I was ready to listen to the list. Oh well. Listus Interruptus.

You sound like a very passionate and strongly opinioned man. What do you believe in so much that you would die for it if necessary?

DP: Eventually...mankind will learn that all of this warfare and undeserved guilt from religion just for living, sacrificing income to parasitic elitists, and hating someone just for the color of their skin is just wrong. I don't mean "wrong" as in an incorrect decision. I mean it's wrong as in the height of immorality. I believe in peace. Peace is not the absence of struggle. Peace is the absence of threat. I would give my life up to know that someday that kind of peace will be established for my descendants.

"I detest what you say sir. But I would fight to the death to defend your right to say it."

I will be a part of my kids' lives, flaws and all, no matter how pissed off my ex-wife gets. She simply cannot make that decision for me... or for them.

Interview Question Number Twenty-Four: I looked up that quote by Voltaire and found that some say what he really said was, "'I detest what you write, but I would give my life to make it possible for you to continue to write", which is even more relevant for us writers. Good stuff.

OK, now for something a little lighter in nature. What kinds of TV shows and movies do you like to watch?

DP: I'm not that big on TV. But there is this new show called "Better Off Ted" on ABC. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time at anything out of ABC. Other than that I like the History Channel and the Discovery Channels when it's not a bunch of flakes talking about interior decorating.

Interview Question Number Twenty-Five: I'll have to watch that, never heard of it until now. I see it shows Wednesdays at 8:30 p.m. So if you're not that much for TV, what kinds of things do you read?

DP: I've been only reading non-fiction for several years. But I just finished Bram Stoker's "Dracula". I highly recommend it. Right now I'm working on "The Chase" by Clive Cussler. I was hooked on it from the first chapter.

Interview Question Number Twenty-Six: I see you wrote a review of the Dracula book here.

Now for a question I ask a lot of people. Let's say someone came along and gave you a million dollars a year with one stipulation. You have to work. It can be anything, and they will retrain you for free if necessary. What would you do and why? (You can't choose being a writer, because we all assume that's what you'd say. Choose something else.)

DP: Anything? I'd start a soup kitchen and a homeless shelter. Not just any homeless shelter either. I'd run it so that, if someone's a drunk or a druggie, they must demonstrate positive efforts to stay there. If someone has mental issues, they must show that they're seeking treatment to stay. If someone's just "down and out," and needing work, I'd help them find work without all of the usual bull (howdy!) that these churches seem to always tack on as a pre-condition to stay there.

It would take every penny of that million dollars a year to do it too...and then some.

Interview Question Number Twenty-Seven: Sounds like a worthy dream. If you rubbed a lamp and a genie appeared, above all else what one thing would you wish for?

DP: Megan Mulally

Interview Question Number Twenty-Eight: I should have guessed that. What do you want your legacy to be?

DP: Legacy or fame? Ahh... there's a difference!

I want to find my fame (and fortune) discovering, and presenting that next raw talent that the literary world is so hungry for.

I want my legacy to be that someday, my grandchildren ask their parents, "Who's that a picture of on the wall?", and my kids tell them that it's an example of a Real Man.

Interview Question Number Twenty-Nine: Those are great things to aspire to. Is there anything else that you'd like to add?

DP: Thank you for the privilege of doing this. Now I'm tired. I know how you guys must feel.

Thank you, Don, for graciously doing this interview. You didn't have to agree to it, and I want you to know I appreciate you doing this. It allows us a chance to get to know you, as you have gotten to know a lot of AC writers. More than that, you have helped bring AC writers closer together by publishing your interviews - a way we can all get to know each other better. Your interview is so thorough and deep that a friend of mine for the past 30 years said there were things in my own interview that she didn't know. Now that's an interview!

If you would like to read some of Don Pennington's articles, go here. If you would like to be interviewed by Don Pennington yourself, go here. To read more of my articles, go here.