Don't Answer that Door!

I reckon I'm here ta tell ya to never never ever answer yer front door, especially on a Saterday mornin'. Thar might be a process server on the other side who ain't thar ta serve yew breakfast or deliver yew a pizza. He's thar to serve yew a SUMMONS AND COMPLAINT FROM THE SUPERIOR COURT OF ON HIGH!!!!

He's thar to turn yer life up-side-down sos yer hangin' by yer toenails from a bungee chord chucked out of uh Trump Tower. Well, it happened ta me a couple a Saterdays ago!

My Cousin Wilbert and me was scrapin' some black mold off the livin' room ceiling, rollin' it in some uh that thar zig zag paper. (We got a purdy good buz smokin' that sh*t!) When all of uh sudden thar came a knockin' at the door.

I peeked out the winda and saw the prosass server with the SUMMONS AND COMPLAINT FROM THE SUPERIOR COURT OF ON HIGH!!!! "William Pinn, if you're in there, come on out. I have some papers to serve on you!"

Holy catfish left in the fridge waay tooo LONG! I told my cousin Wilbert to answer the door and tell the prosass server I ain't home. He done went to the door and opened it.

"Willy told me to tell yew he ain't home."

"I'll just leave the SUMMONS AND COMPLAINT here on the doorstep Mr. Pinn."

I swear my cousin Wilbert is dumber than a smilin' ox with braces! I read the SUMMONS:

YOU ARE HEREBY ORDERED BY THE SUPERIOR COURT OF ON HIGH TO RESPOND TO THE COMPLAINT AGAINST YOU WITHIN 30 DAYS (THE DAYS ARE SHORT AND THEY GO BY FAST SO DON'T DELAY). IF YOU FAIL TO RESPOND WITHIN THE STATUTORY TIME, YOU WILL DEFAULT. YOU WILL LOSE YOUR MONEY, YOUR HOUSE, YOUR PICKUP TRUCK, YOUR ROADKILL SHOVEL, ETC. , ETC., IN OTHER WORDS, YOU WILL BE ROYALLY SCREWED UP THE SHAFT WHERE THE SUN NEVER EVER SHINES!

I then read the COMPLAINT:

The plaintiffs (the people suing your sorry no good butt) are ticked off that one of your ex-associates, who worked with you over four years ago and has since moved to Mexico, filled out some legal forms incorrectly (which is really no big deal and not really your fault, but they are suing you anyway because they figure you have lots of money stuffed up your horse's tailpipe and they want to reach up in there to get their mitts on it). The plaintiffs are asking you to pay them $250, 000 in damages! Have a nice day--hahahahahaha!

Yours Truly,
The Law Firm of Dewy, Cheetum and Howe

Well,i reckon thangs look purdy grim fer William Pinn! But the good news is I is fresh outta toilet paper and this SUMMONS AND COMPLAINT will come in handy!

I reckon it's a mighty good thang I watched them Perry Mason reruns and Judge Judy on the T.V. I done learned the law. I ain't no lawyer; I is a Pro Se--that's the next worst thang. A Pro Se is a body who represents hisself in a Kort uh Law. Here is my response brief or answer to the COMPLAINT that I filed with the Kort:

ANSWER TO THE COMPLAINT

I, the DE-FEN-DANT William Pinn, deny all the allergins...er...allegations against me! They is just flat out lies! No reasonable person in thar right (beep)ing mind would believe that this lawsuit has any ferret...er...merit!

First Affirmative Defense: This lawsuit is frivolous bullsh(beep)!

Second Affirmative Defense: See First Affirmative Defense!

"Hey Will, why don't ya git one uh them offshore bank accounts ta hide yer epinions IS so yer protected ifin them plaintiffs beats yew in Kort? Yew'll be judgment proof."

Well, Wilbert, that sounds fine and dandy. Only problem is what if them offshore folks managin' my account decide ta take my money on a permanent vacation ta Brazier...er...Brazil? Kan I sue them? No, cause they's judgment proof too--and they got all my money!

"Hey Will, why don't ya start a Nevada Korporation. Then the lawyers kant touch ya!"

Ha! What about the lawyer settin' up and managin' the Nevada Korp.? He might tell his buddies at Dewy, Cheetum and Howe ta do one of them korporate piercing procedures.

"Wow, that sounds mighty painful, Will."

Yep! They kan have a judge of the Kort declare yer Nevada Korp. a sham and take all the money stuffed up yer horse's korporate tailpipe! The best way ta protect myself is not to hide behind some gimmick, but to fight this lawsuit and WIN! Yeeeeeehaaaaaw!!!!!

If'n I do lose, I kan always stuff my money in the catfish that's been sittin' in the fridge WAAY TOO LONG.

"Oh yeah! Right next to that stale cube uh butter. They'd never look fer it thar."

You got it cuz! YEEEHAAAAAAW!!!