Don't Ever Ask a Skinny Person for Weight Loss Secrets

"How do you stay so skinny?" one of my co-workers asked me last night. Here we go again, I thought, putting on my best "amiable, proud-but-slightly-guilty skinny person" face and stumbling through a very unsatisfying answer. "Uh, oh, I guess I just have a high metabolism. He-he. Uh, I walk to my son's school a lot. My kids keep me active. I try to eat healthy. Uh, yeah."

If I used to weigh 250 pounds--and you knew me when I was at my heaviest--and had lost half of my body weight after a year of faithful exercising and nutritious eating, then, by all means, ask how I stay skinny. I am sure I would be proud to tell you everything I do: I keep a food journal, I go to Weight Watchers meetings, I work out three mornings a week and walk three miles every other evening, I don't eat Doritos or ice cream. But as someone who has always been skinny without necessarily trying very hard, I'm not anyone's ideal weight loss guru. Come to think of it, I probably should start running eight miles every morning. Then no one would eye my skinny butt with suspicion. (Too bad I hate getting up early, and hate running.)

"You had your baby and then lost all the weight right away, eh?" another co-worker once said to me. And I knew what she meant was, "It's not fair that you got to go back to your old size, while I had to stay fat after having my baby!" I must have done something special. I must have earned my skinniness in some secret way. How rude of me to not share my secret with my co-workers!

Everyone wants the "weight loss secret." What is it that all skinny people have in common? Since we keep our secret so closely guarded, we had all better be prepared to prove that we deserve to be skinny. "Genetic predisposition" is an unacceptable defense. If I were to name all my skinny ancestors, I would be shot on the spot, and my murderer would be acquitted of all charges. "She had it coming," the jury would concur, spitting on my skinny corpse and congratulating my brave, dieting murderer. "Someone has to take a stand against these skinny-for-no-good-reason types!"

Okay. Before I'm murdered, maybe I should make a short list of things I do, which may or may not contribute to my skinny physique:

1. I drink a lot of water. I don't drink any caffeinated beverages, except for an occasional Barq's root beer. I don't drink much pop. Maybe three glasses of 7-Up a week. (I never ever drink "diet" beverages. Most skinny-for-no-good-reason types loathe diet pop, which, again, makes overweight diet-pop addicts want to shoot us.)

2. The only meat I eat is fish. I feel gross if I don't eat enough fruits and vegetables. (This fact alone may save me. "She likes broccoli and doesn't eat red meat? All right, then. I'd better shoot a skinny person who only eats McDonald's and never touches green vegetables," my potential murderer concedes, sparing my skinny life.) In college I was a vegan. As a result, I don't have a high tolerance for junk food anymore, with a few notable exceptions (which I won't mention, for fear of being shot).

3. I walk fast and fidget a lot. My toes are dancing as I type this.

4. I don't skip meals.

5. I don't think about staying skinny. This is the way I've always been. That leads me to a controversial, fascinating theory on weight loss, introduced to me in Rhonda Byrne's book, The Secret (haha, Maria read The Secret, just like Oprah and millions of other people. When you're done laughing at me, please continue reading...). The Secret is all about the Law of Attraction. Our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs are like magnets, drawing certain experiences to us. Those of us who know this "secret" are able to attract the experiences we truly desire, manifesting amazing wealth, health, love, and joy in our lives. According to Byrne, a person who wants to lose weight must never think about "losing weight." If your mindset is, "I need to lose weight," then your body will happily cooperate by staying fat! (Similarly, if your mindset is, "I don't have enough money," then you are going to continue experiencing a lack of money. The Universe gives us exactly what we request.) Change your mindset to, "I am healthy and fit. I am at my ideal body weight!" and envision yourself at your ideal body weight, and watch the extra pounds melt away. Who do you expect to see when you look in the mirror? What do you believe to be true about your body? I must say, I expect to see a skinny person when I look in the mirror. I never think about dieting. Maybe that is my profound secret.

Maybe Oprah and I need a swift kick in the rear end! "Losing weight is hard work, and keeping the weight off is even harder!" you cry. I think I hear Byrne's response: Of course losing weight is hard, if you believe it is. Change your thoughts, beliefs, and feelings about weight loss, and change your experience. That is "the secret" according to The Secret. Take it or leave it. If you're curious about The Secret, which I have drastically oversimplified in this article, visit the official website-- http://thesecret.tv/index.html--or check out the book or DVD.

I can assure you of one thing: if I knew the true "weight loss secret," I would share it with you, for about fifty million dollars. Is that asking too much?

Would you ask an overweight person, "How'd you get so fat?" No? Really? Good. So stop asking me how I stay so skinny, because it brings out the smug, insufferable, New Agey, know-it-all in me...and makes me want to eat all your cookies.

Works Cited

Byrne, Rhonda. The Secret. Atria Books/Beyond Words, 2006.