Don't Let Children Kill Your Intimacy

Taking time out to be alone as partners is a must for all parents and there is no debate about it. When couples do this, not only do their children see their commitment to the relationship and feel secure, but the couples also feel more refreshed and connected at family time.

It is very easy for parents to get engrossed in their children's lives, trying their best to fulfill their needs and demands, while letting go of each other's need for intimacy. It is a fact that if couples don't put their relationship first, nothing will keep it alive, yet it is not easy to keep a healthy balance between thinking of oneself both as a partner and as a parent. How then can couples achieve the right balance between doing a good job at parenting and remaining intimate?

Create time
Despite having five children aged between seventeen and five, so many demands as well as enjoyment with their children, James and Catherine have always carved out time just for themselves. It has not always been easy keeping that time, especially when the older children were still young, but it has remained and now it is a worthwhile ritual. It is important for the couple to have time alone as it is to keep their family together. Make sure the time is spent intimately, talking, hiking, and having dinner.

Show each other love
Many couples find it difficult to show each other love in front of their children and in public. Seeing and knowing their parents love each other helps boost children's self-esteem and gives them some sense of security. On the other hand, showing each other love and respect in simple ways help open up couples and bring security to their relationship. When you identify what the other's expectation of the relationship is, it is easier to steer it and your affection in that direction. Children respect parents who love each other, and try not to do anything that may result in disharmony.

Reconnect every evening if possible
Even if you feel exhausted at the end of the day, lovingly reconnecting with your spouse will re-energize you. Just as you ensure the children are safe and ready for bed, so should you take care of each other before going to bed. These times should be spent filling each other in on your respective days, telling each other 'sweet nothings' and just being your loving selves. Taken seriously, these reconnecting moments help the couple share their respective burdens and reduce stresses that often weigh down the family. A couple that reconnects every evening looks forward to that time, no matter where each is.

Monitor and deal with changes in the relationship
Certain feelings and attitudes are inevitable when couples get children. The key is to identify them and deal with them amicably so they don't destroy the relationship upon which the family stems. For instance, conflicts can arise on matters both partners thought were resolved, like how to and what values to instill in the children, their education and religious affiliation.

Also, women may naturally find themselves judging their husbands against a yardstick of their ability to be good fathers or not. This may at times result in criticism from women when their expected standards are not met. On the other hand, the father may feel threatened or just jealous of his wife's intimacy with the children, owing to the natural bond between them from conception, and he may withdraw from all family activities, including sex. As these feelings rear their heads, the couple has to deal with them together.