Don't Listen to Sports "Experts"

It's funny how so many so-called experts stood-by Tuesday after Marty Schottenheimer was fired by the San Diego Chargers and "revealed" short lists of candidates to replace him.

Check out some of these names: recently retired Bill Cowher, even more recently retired Bill Parcells, long retired Jimmy Johnson, USC head coach Pete Carroll and two-time failed NFL re-treads Norv Turner and Steve Mariucci.

Then there are the candidates who didn't get Parcells old gig in Big D: Ron Rivera, Jim Caldwell and Mike Singletary.

Then there are those still waiting for any job such as former NY Giants head coach Jim Fassel and former Buffalo Bills defensive coordinator Ted Cottrell, who was out-of football in 2006.

The fact is, nobody in the media really knew anything off-hand except those who mentioned Turner, Rivera, Singletary, Baltimore Ravens defensive guru Rex Ryan, or former Dallas defensive coordinator Mike Zimmer. Former Atlanta Falcons head coach Jim Mora, Jr has also been named as a possibility.

In other words, experts from local and national radio and TV shows shared about as much inside information as your average out-of-work sports talk show host in Rochester, N.Y.

Cowher has said he wants to stay away from the game for at least a year. If anybody could revamp his old Steeler team and make them a Super Bowl contender for next season, it would be Cowher. Yet he turned that opportunity down to take a year off. Why then would he come to San Diego who has to reassemble its coaching staff and possibly gut several veterans this off-season?

Because nobody really knows why. That's why.

Then there's Bill Parcells. The Tuna just left T.O, Romo and J.J. and said he was "retired" not "resigned." While a ready-made Super Bowl roster sounds tempting, Parcells doesn't want another job--if he wants another job at all--taking orders from another boss who thinks he knows more than the Hall of Fame coach. Parcells had enough of that in New England and Dallas. If AJ Smith and the likeable Marty Schottenheimer really didn't talk for several years, what makes anyone think Parcells will listen to a cantankerous GM who's noted for not getting along with others?

Because nobody really knows why. That's why.

Then there's Jimmy Johnson. San Diego is on the beach where Jimmy likes it and he has a relationship with Dean Spanos. A ready-made team of superstars is on hand waiting for a head coach to jump-in and win a Super Bowl.

Yeah, but as anyone from Buffalo remembers, AJ Smith was part of a Bills front office that chastised Johnson for destroying a box of Flutie Flakes cereal after Miami's 1998 wild-card win over the Bills. The breakfast treat was created to help less-fortunate families get care for their autistic children. Flutie's son, Doug, Jr., is autistic and his father said that Johnson's antics were "like stomping on my son."

Johnson also hasn't coached an NFL game since 1999. Why would he make a comeback eight years later?

Because nobody really knows why. That's why.

Then there's the gregarious Pete Carroll who boasts two national championships at Southern Cal after two futile tours of duty with the New York Jets and a Super Bowl team he inherited from Bill Parcells in New England. After Nick Saban left the Miami Dolphins in January for the University of Alabama, Dolphins owner Wayne Huizenga found the Carroll on vacation in Costa Rica and didn't leave before offering the college coach a reported $6 million a year and "total control" of the franchise's football operations.

After turning that down to stay at USC, why would Carroll escape LA and take a job coaching with less, for less?

Because nobody really knows why. That's why.

Norv Turner has a shot because he ran Marty Schottenheimer's offense in San Diego and has head coaching experience, though his career record is 24 games under .500. (That's an entire season and-a-half of losses.) Why would AJ Smith and Dean Spanos hand their supposed Super Bowl-ready team to a head coach with...

You get the point already.

Steve Mariucci looks like a viable head coach, in general, but has few connections to San Diego and has lost battles with Terrell Owens and Matt Millen, thus costing him stints in San Fran and Detroit. AJ Smith wants to hire a puppet and Mariucci is probably not interested in dancing from strings again.

The rest of the candidates are all coordinators, some of whom have been interviewed for jobs already this year, which make them supposed candidates to anyone who watches SportsCenter at least once a week. And some of these coordinators names have only come-up because they've been offered interviews.

So much for "insight" and "expertise" in recent days. Nobody's via satellite correspondents told football fans anything they couldn't already guess themselves. Maybe next time, TV and talk show producers should call Mark Fainaru-Wada or Lance Williams. They'd probably be the only ones to get it right, anyway.

At least the next time an NFL head coach loses his job, we'll already know who's ready to replace him.

But you already knew that.