Don't Lose Yourself: How to Spot a Pathological

Let's toss aside all of the overused terms like 'control,' 'abuse,' 'brainwashing,' because even though they are certainly accurate in such situations, their popular overuse has left them virtually meaningless. Instead, focus on the term "pathological" as this subject is examined by psychotherapist and author Sandra L, Brown, M.A. As you probably already know, words can have great impact, the choice of words can have great impact; and even if it is not yet clear, all of those "pop" terms place you in the context of Victim-- whereas "pathological" places the focus directly on the Victimizer. From this you can begin to gain strength.

As a pathological will define you according to his terms, this often extends much further than attempting to take away who you are and replacing you with his definition of who you are, he will also begin to assert that you are essentially a mirror-image of what he refuses to address in himself. For example, even if your lifestyle consists of a strong moral code, he will assert that you are promiscuous-- because he is; if you are a straightforward, honest person, he will assert that you are manipulative-- because he is; if his "game" includes deception, blatant lying, sneakiness, he will insist that those are "your" traits, rather than "his." If you continue to stand against these attacks, you will be told that you're "just not ready to see the Truth."

A pathological has one 'truth'-- his-- and the fact that there is nothing true or accurate about it is irrelevant to this type of individual. One of the worst and most destructive traps you can fall into is to expend your time and energy into "trying to figure out" whether he is sick enough to actually believe all of the insanity he spouts, or whether it is only a power-ploy. The key to keep in mind is that while his words and behavior certainly seem to be covered by the word 'insanity,' it is not entirely accurate in this type of situation-- the generally accepted definition of the word is one who does not fully understand what he is doing or the potential consequences thereof; but a pathological knows exactly what he is doing. Keeping this fact in mind is another step for you to gain strength.

One who is not familiar with this subject may wonder how anyone can possibly end up in such a situation. While anyone is capable of being a target, a pathological will generally select those whom he considers to be easy targets-- women whom he perceives as weak, impressionable young people, etc. Sometimes his perceptions are "off" and he will choose someone who is not as "weak" as he'd thought; yet while this makes his "job" more difficult, it does not make it impossible. With the tactics mentioned above, he is equally capable of destroying a person who is mature, stable, focused, self-assured, turning you and your life into his "game." A few years ago, I was a "mature, stable, focus, self-assured" adult, with my life essentially as I wanted it to be; I was preparing to begin a new job, had a rather harmonious family unit, clear goals for the future, and, in focusing on those as my priorities, did not want "some guy" coming into my life. I made the mistake of "accepting a ride home" from a total stranger, not discovering until much later (by his own admission and witnesses who verified it) that he'd been "watching and observing" me for nearly a year without my knowledge, accessing personal information about me and my family without my knowledge or consent; and, by his own admissions, had "decided" what he wanted from me nearly a year before I even knew he existed. I made the mistake of accepting a ride, clearly stating that that's all it was, that I had no interest in 'dating' anyone and did not want a relationship-- to which he replied "We're in one now!"

When a pathological wants something, he is willing to "go to any lengths to get it." What has happened to me, my family, my life-- please don't let it happen to you.

http://howtospotadangerousman.blogspot.com/2007/11/should-i-react-this-way.html