Don't Smell the Cork! Restaurant Etiquette

Few people recognize it, but dining out--especially at a fine restaurant--is a skill, one that revolves largely around restaurant etiquette. There are pros, amateurs, and those who fall everywhere in between. Getting bogged down with endless etiquette is no fun, and enjoyment is the main purpose of patronizing restaurants. Generally, appropriate habits develop naturally, with repeated exposure to fine dining environments. There are, however, plenty of ways people immediately betray themselves, both to their own company and to the restaurant staff, as amateur diners. Below I'll explain 4 of the more common actions that are often overlooked in basic restaurant etiquette guides.

First, for the cynics, misfits, and nihilists among you protesting that you do not care...

To those of you wholly unconcerned with the impressions you make on your dining companions: I only hope you never have a job interview over a meal out, or have to take an important client to dinner. Or go on a date with someone just slightly out of your league or who's somewhat familiar with restaurant etiquette.

And yes, it does matter how your present yourself to the restaurant staff. This is, by the way, an insider's perspective--I spent many years working in restaurants in varying capacities. Your familiarity with restaurant etiquette often has a bearing on how pleasant your dining experience will be. Without digressing into whether it's right or wrong, the fact remains that restaurant customers who are clearly experienced get better service. The flip side is true as well: diners who are obvious novices will often get a lower standard of service. It's not necessarily deliberate, and it's certainly no conspiracy; however, when restaurant personnel are busy, they must prioritize how every second is spent.

Why favor the experienced diners? There are a few reasons, but the most important is simply that they tip better than the amateurs. I don't proffer this as irrefutable law. No, it's not always true. But it's true more than enough for restaurant workers to bank on the generalization. "Professional" diners understand everything that gets taken into account when leaving a tip (in terms of both service and items on the bill), and they better understand the value of leaving a good tip, particularly in an establishment they intend to revisit.

One caveat: this list was written thinking specifically of quality restaurants; the principles are sound, but in the real world they are irrelevant to chains, diners, and cheaper eateries. So here are my top 4 picks of things amateur diners do in a restaurant to reveal themselves as such:

ETIQUETTE TIP #1 - DON'T SMELL THE CORK: When the wine arrives at the table, some people believe they should smell the bottle's cork. You shouldn't. Ever. It's a ridiculous, pointless action that makes anyone look, to put it bluntly, like a buffoon. The whiff provides no information, unless perhaps you felt the need to verify that the beverage being served was indeed born from grapes. Now, you can learn two important things from the cork: the insignia serves as identification authentication, and the bottom of the cork should be dyed by the wine, indicating that the bottle was stored horizontally. None of this requires the cork so much as approach your nose. Swirling the wine in your glass to stir up the bouquet (scents), then smelling deeply with you nose in the glass is appropriate and expected. This is how a wine is first examined by scent.

ETIQUETTE TIP #2 - WHO'S THE EXECUTIVE CHEF?: When ordering the meal, customers often can't resist redesigning the food, as if they were the chefs who studied and practiced for years just so they could be paid to create cohesive, complementary dishes for a restaurant menu. Hold the shallot. It's served medium-rare? Oh no, I'll only eat it well-done. Put the remoulade on the side. I don't want it over orzo--got any rice pilaf? Substitutions and the tweaking of recipes really aren't part of the customer's role. The staff dislikes it because it impedes the ordering process and can easily cause delays and confusion in the kitchen, which is run like an assembly line. People have a million excuses for doing this. If you're on a diet, let it go--your nice evening out is no time to worry about it. Don't like an ingredient? Pick another dish, one that's made with components you like. Yes, you're the customer, and as such are entitled to be satisfied. But in opting for a specific restaurant with a clearly-defined product catalog, you are tacitly accepting what they offer. If you're unyieldingly unwilling to pick out a meal as is from a menu, whether it's because you're finicky, persnickety, unadventurous, or obsessed with a diet, you should be preparing your own meals at home.

ETIQUETTE TIP #3 - INGRAINED GRAINS: Diners habitually add salt and/or pepper to their food before tasting it. In a quality restaurant you shouldn't even add it after tasting it. The best restaurants don't even have shakers on the tables. I'm not delusional enough to go on at length condemning the flavoring after the taste--everyone will do it anyway. But at least try the food first. It was prepared carefully to have optimal taste and depth of flavor. Did you know that chefs only cook with unsalted butter, so deliberate are they with salt quantities? The addition of salt and pepper is used to enhance food, but there's no way you can know whether it needs the alteration before you taste it (and it's a safe bet the food doesn't call for it, as it's already been added to specification). And to you restaurant servers out there who offer fresh cracked pepper immediately upon delivering the food--and there are a lot of you out there--stop it. Come back after the customers take a bite or two so they know if they want it.

ETIQUETTE TIP #4 - TABLE FENG SHUI: Restaurant customers will frequently move items around on the table. This can entail rearranging the way the table is set, or pushing aside dishes when finished with them. These should both be avoided, as they are frowned upon from an etiquette point of view. There are also more practical reasons to leave everything where it is. First, every table has been set to allow the servers to fit all the food and beverages accessibly. When your waiter or waitress arrives with armfuls or a tray of plates, s/he expects to be able to put everything down. If a customer has moved glasses, silverware, candles, or other items around, the server, with full hands, will usually have a problem setting everything down, making the service intrusive, awkward, and difficult. Pushing aside plates when they're empty creates the impression that the bussers and other staff are not doing their jobs. It can also make clearing the table--again, these words--intrusive, awkward, and difficult. Proper silverware placement is the correct way to indicate that you are finished with your meal. Place your knife and fork, side by side, on the right of your plate, with the handles at 4:00, the tips pointing toward 10:00.