Don't Smile at Me that Way! a Rhyming Spin on the Inverted Grin

We went out to the county fair,
And everyone in town was there.
The ferris wheel, the rides that scare,
And junk-food hawkers everywhere.

But nothing there could quite torment
Or frighten me to the extent
As what I saw and did lament,
When we passed by the bingo tent.

Alas, here is my tale of woe:
The folks were seated in a row,
And each one seemed to say, "Hello,"
With smiles that came from down below.

We strolled along behind their bench,
And it was not the livestock stench
That made my stomach muscles clench,
But all those butts along that bench.

I think I am a friendly sort,
And possibly, a real good sport,
But this just made my guts contort
To see so many glutes distort.

I wanted to shout, "Hoist those pants!"
To give my lunch a fighting chance,
Or maybe, "How 'bout underpants?"
But couldn't take a second glance.

We hurried to another space,
Potato sack or pony race,
Or just to find a happy face
Who'd wear a smile in the right place!