Don't Spy on Your Teen!

There are few things that pique a parent's curiosity more than having a hormonal, sneaky teen under the same roof. When private conversations come to a sudden halt just because you have entered the room, or unidentified items are quickly put away before you have an opportunity to see what they are, it's hard not to feel like something shady is taking place. Even more alarming is when you discover that you no longer have open access to your teen's bedroom. Whereas you could once enter whenever you pleased, this door is now locked until you have stated clearly your name, the intent of your visit and the projected length of your stay. You know the routine:

Mom knocks on teen's bedroom door - after discovering that it is locked.

Teen: "Yeah? Who is it?"

Mom: "It's your mother; the woman who gave birth to you."

Teen: "Oh! Uh - what do you want?"

Mom: "What do you mean what do I want? Open the door!"

Teen: "Uh - how long is this gonna take?"

Mom: "However long I say! OPEN THE DOOR! Don't make me repeat myself!"

Teen: "Uh - okay. Just a minute!"

Long pause. Door remains locked until you have been given the appropriate clearance to enter.

Too Much Secrecy

As you stand there listening to your teen scramble about, you're most likely feeling every ounce of parental authority draining from your pores. You think to yourself, this is not right. I have got to get to the bottom of this whole secrecy thing. There's only one solution: to spy on my teen!

Most Teens Seek Privacy

You should not spy on your teen! As tempting as it may be, spying on your teen is one of the worst moves you can make at this time. You may not want to accept this, but your teen is exhibiting normal teenage behavior. When your teen steps outside of his or her room, you are the parent. When your teen enters his or her room, you are an intruder. At least, that's how your teen feels!

Your Teen Needs to Feel Trusted

Teens need to feel trusted. Of course, no parent wants to find out after the fact that their teen has been engaging in certain activities (i.e. drug abuse, use of pornographic materials, sex) right under their nose. Not only do you feel responsible for your teen's well-being, but you definitely don't want to get duped in your own home. Nevertheless, you should trust your teen as much as you possibly can - until that trust is violated. There is a high probability that if he or she is engaging in some illicit or otherwise unacceptable behavior, it will rear its ugly head sooner or later.

Model the Behavior You Want to See in Your Teen

Would you want your teen spying on you? Think about it! We all have some need for privacy from time to time and if you want your teen to respect your privacy, then you should definitely respect theirs. The notion, "But I'm the parent!" is not going to fly this time around.

The Need to Spy Spells Trouble

If you feel the need to spy on your teen, this is the sign of a larger problem. People spy on their loved ones when there are communication and trust issues that need to be dealt with. You may have every reason to be concerned about sudden and significant changes in your teen's behavior or appearance. However, this is best dealt with by initiating face-to-face communication. If you're not quite certain how to go about this, the following websites contain some helpful tips that you can use to initiate this conversation:

Family Education

Good Housekeeping

Parents. The Anti-Drug.

Super Nanny.com