Do's and Don'ts of Halloween Party Etiquette

Halloween parties can be fun. As gatherings go, they rank right up their with political protests. Main difference is Halloween parties rarely end with someone having their finger tip bitten off, or barely coherent loons hitting people with their ironically misspelled picket signs. Don't want your Halloween party to fail miserably? Take my advice, and it probably won't.

Do:
Solicit festive party favors to guests. doing so will held ease everyone into whatever mood you're trying to set for the night. This works well with all themed gatherings really.

Don't:
Hack open a goat, and distribute it's intestine to anyone who may be within a ten foot radius to your home. It's downright creepy. also, those with week stomachs may have trouble finding humor in it, while they are bent over and retasting meals they enjoyed from the previous week.

Do:
Have sound effects and music playing in the background. a little atmosphere is good. Music has a tendency to bring people together. Cheesy cackling and whooshing sounds tend to frighten children, and amuse adults.

Don't:
Tie a relative or friend to a chair in the basement, and have their cries for help broadcasted over a loud speaker. I don't care how much money is owed to you, there are better, more legal ways to receive financial compensation.

Do:
Have a contest to find out who wore the best costume to the party. The award could be one of those bleeding knives found at prank stores or something. Or better yet, a human brain. Preferably a fake one, because of it's more sanitary.

Don't:
Splash bleach in somebodies face, then claim that it was holy water to be used to fight the demons that inhabited said bleach victim. Just because they wore a suit to a Halloween party, that doesn't automatically mean they were possessed by the Ultimate Demonic Lawyer.

Do:
Tell scary stories. You should either make something up ahead of time, and search the internet for obscure news headlines as inspiration. There are a ton of ghost stories to be found via books or the web.

Don't:
show off the collection of deceased family pets you have buried in the backyard. I'm sure Rex really was one of the greatest specimens to ever walk up and down a sidewalk...When he wasn't pushing up daises in a larger than average shoe box. In his current state, a centipede would smoke him in a game of Frisbee.