Downtown

The air was light and breezy that Saturday afternoon. Fiesta was back in San Antonio and it was beckoning me to come out for a taste. I sat at home on the dark green sectional watching my son run in and out of the house. He was getting into everything and seemed particularly prone to bouts of anger and excitability as though he too smelled some sort of energy in the air. Restless and dying to get out of the house I phoned my cousin.

"What are you doing tonight?" I asked her half hoping that she would say nothing. Her response was the next best thing.
"I'm going downtown to Market Square with Angelica. Why? What's up?" Unashamed, I invited myself to tag along not knowing what the night had in store for the three of us.

Asking my ex-sister-in-law to watch my kids was like watching myself balance on a tight rope for crackers. I was over-stepping my boundaries but I didn't care. After dressing as provocatively unrevealing as I could, I dropped off my boys.

" I'm putting in an order for you," Brenda said looking me in the eye so intensely I felt like I should just walk out the door and go back home. A nervous "Yea?" managed to fall off of my lips. "If you see any cute guys...," I swallowed a hard lump in my throat that would've choked me if I'd have let it," ...tell them you have a friend that's single!" My heart began to beat again as I laughed off my anxiety and rushed out of the door quicker than a fireman called to duty halfway across town.

Girls night. My cousin, her friend, and me. We hopped into my truck and let the stereo blaze Destiny's Child as we all sang along serenading the packed highway. The air downtown was more promiscuous. Men were already falling out of windows of old Cadillacs and new Suburbans aching for a piece of flesh to gnaw on. Music was loud and Bar-B-Que and roasted corn frangranced the streets. Walking down the sidewalk to Market Square from our parking on the edge of downtown, I should've known the night would end the way it did. It only took one block for the night to officially start.

"Come on bro'. Let's pick up these hoes." Some ugly undersexed juvenile (I'm sure), said from behind us. The hairs on my back stood up and I dared not turn to look. I thought any minute now they would put their hands on us. I anticipated it, furrowing my eyebrows and preparing my hand to slap the mouth off of the filthy brute. Before it could happen, an older man started talking to Angelica about taking his youngest son to meet his brother for the first time. He said his older boy was working a beer booth and lightheartedly we cracked jokes about free beer or five dollars drink all you can. We laughed and parted ways before we hit the thick crowd at the carnival. Only in downtown San Antonio would you hear "Carnies" screaming remarks like, " What? Are you too broke to pay a dollar or what?!" and ,"Just close your eyes and go down and he'll leave you alone!" We each used our traits to attract attention; Jean had her boobs hanging out, Angelica wore an ultra-mini skirt, and I used my charm, eyes, and lips. It wasn't until we were drunk that we acknowledged the attention received. A group of three or four police were following some man dressed like a Lucha Libre fighter closely and I wondered what kind of pranks he had been up to. He was walking with a purpose and he had a very determined stride, though I felt that maybe he had been partying far too long already.

"Golly!" Jean exclaimed,"He looks like laser beams are gonna shoot out of his eyes!"

We wandered through loads of shoulder to shoulder crowds in search of alcohol's first kiss and after standing still in too many lines, we finally found it. My cousin was the first to finish her drink. She slurped her pina colada down like she hadn't had a drink for years. The band outside hadn't even finished their first song.

"My God Jean!" Angelica screamed while she babied her drink.
"She means business!" I chuckled before I noticed my trendy beer was nearly gone as well.

We smoked cigarettes and watched teams of men pouring through the crowded streets. Gay men, straight men, ugly men, gorgeous men, men with girlfriends, men with wives. I felt like a cheetah stalking prey from behind the brush; no one was immune to my touch. I discarded of our trash before we subjected ourselves back to the crowd. I excused myself to get past two men standing by the gleaming silver can and they parted to let me pass.

"And whats your name?", the uglier of the two asked.
"Laura," I replied and was gone in the massive crowd.

Lights, laughter and hollers were all around us and after loosening up with my first drink I began parading myself along the street. I was relieved when Jean and Angelica decided to go to a bar. I suggested a trendy little spot on Houston St. that I like to attend and we headed to the bar in heels and high hopes. When we arrived, although the place was as pretty as ever, it was dead.

"Let's go to a ghetto bar!" Angelica half-screamed, showing us her drink was beginning to hit.
"Hogan's," I said already knowing the scene.
"Yea lets take her to Hogan's!" Jean said. Shoes clicking on the pavement, we ventured off to Hogan's, a popular yet very un-trendy bar that seemed oddly placed downtown in the bustling area. When we turned the corner from Houston St., we were greeted by another man that was far from sober.

"Hello ladies." He said, eyes half closed. The two men and three girls he was with giggled as he grabbed the lapel of his tan blazer. "How are y'all this evening?
"Fiiiiiiine", I replied to him, only partially noticing that one of the girls seemed particularly sad.
"Look at him!", one of the guys said,"He's already talking to people!"
I'm still not sure what possessed me but once they had passed, I shouted,"That's one drunk hot guy!" meaning to say that's one hot drunk guy. Later on I wondered if the sad girl was his date and if the comment I had made upset her.

Angelica asked some strange guy on a corner to light her cigarette as we passed another out of place bar. I knew full well that she indeed had a lighter in her purse but we were consumed by the moment. The music from the bar emanated out into the festive streets and I found a pole to dance on, even though it adorned a "Park during these hours only" sign. Jean followed suite by rubbing herself against the brick wall outside of the strange bar. We laughed while waiting for Angelica to catch up so we could swing the corner and hit Hogan's. I was becoming more and more scattered brained by the minute so I made suggestions to enter buildings with "For Sale" signs and suggested we walk through the alley my mom had peed in about a year before. All of my ideas were turned down and I was asked to behave, saying I would be taken in for public intoxication.

Arriving at Hogan's was like being welcomed by close family during Christmas. The room was chatty and dim except for the neon lights and the drinks were cheap. Two coke and rums and a Miller Chill costed only seven dollars and fifty cents. One round turned into round after round, after round, after round of our own intoxicating poisons and when they ran out of Miller Chill, Angelica bought me two Dos Equis. Live music was blaring through the air and when we decided to leave, Jean was stopped by a girl that was so drunk she appeared to be cross-eyed. They exchanged hugs and laughter and smiles and before we knew it, we were back inside and the girl, Mandy, was buying us double shots of tequila. The bartender refused to sell to Mandy because she had already had six shots that night so Jean and I went to the bar with the twenty five dollars she had given us.

"Four shots of Tequila!" Jean screamed over the music to the bartender.
"What kind?" she shouted back leaning closer to the bar letting her hair fall over her tattooed arms.
"TEQUILA!" Jean urged again.
"WHAT KIND!" I realized it would never end and I put my hand on the bar and shouted "PATRON!" The bartender hurriedly fixed our shots and Jean gave me that somewhat angry look, the one she usually gave me when she got bad customer services and Mervyn's or Wendy's.
"I told her tequila!" She said to me.
"There's different kinds though!" I found myself shouting loudly, trying to compete with the music from the live band that was pumping punk rock through my chest so hard I felt my heart would burst out any minute. We carried the shots back to where Mandy was and swigged them back like pros, licking the salt off the rim and biting our limes afterward. Drunken laughter, a couple of phone number exchanges, and hugs were shared before Mandy walked us outside.

"Yea! I'll give you guys a call for sure!" I thought the only that was sure was she would forget who we were and not remember a thing in the morning. Little did I know she would call the very next day to say 'Hi' and I would ignore the call. We were supposed to meet her at some bar but ended up at the trendy bar we had first attempted to hit. Smashed out of my mind and louder than ever, we laughed through the city streets nearly forgetting Fiesta. I tried to pick up a cute mannequin to no avail and a few strides and horn blows later we arrived at Z bar. There was a line at the side entrance where we waited, desperate to dance. My mind was flitting back and forth so I kept chatting and laughing to myself and Angelica laughed and threw whoops of joy into the downtown air. Jean elbowed us to calm us down before we approached the bouncer, who was a tall handsome black man. Jean and Angelica were the first to be I.D.'d. Right before he checked mine a girl he apparently knew came between us and gave him a fleeting hug and greet and went about her way. I dropped my jaw and looked at him in disbelief.

"And where's mine?" I said loudly with my hands on my hips. The bouncer smiled and handed back my I.D. " I want a hug too!" He grabbed me close and clung to me for a while. I inhaled his sweet scent and whispered, "You smell good." His mouth was moving and his arm moved to the small of my back. He was saying something to me but I found myself shocked that I could care less what he was coming out of his mouth. He smiled brightly and smirked. I felt someone tugging me away and I knew it was Jean trying to get me to behave. You can imagine my surprise when it wasn't her at all. Some other young hunky white guy was holding my hand, pulling me away to the sidewalk.

"Who are you here with?" He asked starring at me with deep blue bedroom eyes.
"My cousin and her friend." I replied. His hair was flowing with the cool promiscuous wind.
"Ditch them. Come with me, please?" The beer made me vulnerable and I almost gave into his good looks. If Angelica wouldn't have screamed "HEY!" in such a drunken slur I might have left with him and disappeared into the night. He may very well have been looking for anyone to take home. It didn't surprise me until the night was over that Angelica didn't care that the beautiful blondie spoke to me first. She took my place out on the sidewalk with him and a few seconds later returned to Jean and I. By now, I was too drunk to even think about drinking more. We danced song after song and never managed to leave our spot on the floor. The men were dressed in suits, slacks, collared dress-shirts and ties. My head was starting to spin and before I knew it, I had grabbed another handsome black man's hand maybe more for safety. I was dying for escape from myself and thought that maybe he would pull me outside to talk and I could let the cool wind save me from the stuffiness inside. He put his hands on my waist and instinctively, I began to grind myself on him. Back turned, I danced like a woman programmed to please men even if I felt ill. He leaned in close to speak to me.

"God damn baby. I got a wife at home but your making me hard." I wanted to turn around and vomit on him but instead I smiled and rubbed my body closer against him. The alcohol had possessed me and though my mind knew it was time to get out because I didn't want to feel disgusted with myself, I stayed to tease any man that looked my way. He eventually made his way outside to friends that were waiting for him and Jean, Angelica, and I continued to dance. I started to think about all of the disastrous relationships I'd had and all the men that had used me, but my body was running off of beer and tequila. I was like the tin man, fully functional but wondering where my heart was. A few moments passed and another great smelling black man grabbed my hand. He too leaned in close to me and whispered, "I trusted you." I laughed and watched him walk away. It was the bouncer I had hugged. It seemed like not even a minute later that the man I had danced with was back behind me. He was breathing heavy and kept repeating, "Just keep me hard baby, just keep me hard." I did as he wished though I wanted to drop to the floor and cry.

What happened at Z bar was inevitable. I wanted the wrong kind of attention and I got it. After drinking way too much at Hogan's and after all the tiny seemingly insignificant incidents at Z bar, I needed to vent. When we left the dance floor and headed back to my truck, which was a very good distance from where we were, I started rubbing against buildings and posts, pushing gates at closed restaurants, and smashing beer cans in the street with my shoes. When we finally reached the parking lot my truck was in, a guy wearing a baggy brown t-shirt and blue jeans asked if we wanted to buy shots of Crown Royal for two dollars. Jean and I declined but Angelica obliged him. She began to walk off to his Low-rider and me and my cousin ran back a few steps to my truck. Worried that something might happen to her, Jean frantically repeated,"Hurry, hurry, hurry," to me like Angelica could be victim to some horrible tragedy in the next few seconds. I revved my engine, turned on my brights and sped to his car where the trunk was popped open and Angelica was already downing the shot of liquor. She climbed into the back of my truck.

"BYE PAPI CHULO!!" She screamed as I sped off, yearning to hear the precious breath of my sleeping children so I too could sleep. It was three thirty in the morning when I got back to Brenda's. She welcomed me to stay over and so I did. I fell asleep on the couch across from my three year old with smeared make-up on my face and beer on my breath.