Dracula at the Social Security Office

Dracula is trying to get social security disability benefits after hurting his mouth. Unfortunately, while attempting to bite the butt of a very large woman, he ended up breaking both his jaw and fangs.

Social Security Office: On One Friday the 13^th

Disability Agent:
Good Morning Mr. Alucard, please have a seat. It says here that you are applying for social security disability. I see that you are claiming that the reason for your applying today is because you broke your jaw while working. May I ask, What do you do for a living?

Alucard:
Well, I am an unemployed Transylvanian Count. I worked at that job for over 700 years. It ended after a slight accident with a wooden stake and some holy water, but I digress.

Disability Agent:
Well, what have you been doing recently?

Alucard:
I have found suitable work in generally the same field. I had been doing that for the last 20 years until I was laid off last month. I have been working as an agent for the IRS. You know, they are little blood suckers too!

Agent:
Do you like it down there?

Alucard:
I love it. You would not believe the things that I am able to do to people now. The same things would have gotten me be-headed 600 or 700 years ago. It would have been considered cruel and unusual punishment. But today, I'm a highly respected government worker and feared a lot more than before. It sure beats stalking lost travelers in a damp, misty bog! Know what I mean?

Agent:
No, sir. I do not know what you mean....Now let's get back to your application. It says here, one of your interests is, night flying. Are you a pilot? There are lots of positions open for pilots these days.

Alucard:
No. No. I'm not a licensed pilot, I just do it as a hobby. Oh, excuse me, "life style choice".

Agent:
Say no more, I understand. "Lifestyle choice." That must mean that you enjoy an alternative lifestyle? Well, you won't have any problem with prejudice here. You gave blood and sweat to your employer and we are going to make darn sure that we get you what is due to you.

Alucard:
Well, actually it was the other way 'round...

Agent:
We're gonna find you something that you can really sink your teeth into!

Alucard:
Now that's what I'm talking about! Since I dislocated my jaw, I have not been able to work and my life's blood depends on having a fully operational jaw.

Agent:
May I ask, HOW your injured your jaw?

Alucard:
Well, it's sort of personal but let's just say, I bit off more than I could chew.

Agent:
Explain

Alucard:
Well, I was hovering..... uh... I mean "sitting" outside of an office building and this fine bubble-butt female walked by. I hadn't seen anything like her in over 600 years. I couldn't resist taking a little taste. When I opened my mouth, I had to open it very wide. And so this happened.... Now I can't bite anything. The doctor says, if I stay off it completely, that it may be better in 8 months. I would starve to death in 8 months! So you see my problem.

Agent:
Yes, I understand. But we don't have any funds available for out of work 700 year old counts. Perhaps some other time.

Alucard:
Yes, I understand. But could you look into my eyes?.... That's it....right here.... Yes..... I have something to show you.....

Later that day, the count was seen exiting the facility, with 6 government disability checks and a wallet bristling with bills.: : : :: :: : : :: : : : : :::