Dragon Wars: D-War Deemed A-OK for K-6

"Dragon Wars" (or "D-War" or "'D-War: Dragon Wars" or "Howard the D-Uck") is a children's film. As long as you know that going into the movie, you should have fun with it. It's illogical, dyslexic, and oversimplistic. Kids are going to eat it up. Unlike most film critics, I actually liked it. All I wanted to see was a sunny thicket of action sequences, and that's precisely what I got. If you want to call it a dragon movie, I'd say that it's the best dragon movie of all time. "Reign of Fire" might have been better (whatever "better" means), but in terms of monster action, this popcorn blockbuster has a talon up on the competition.

But is this a dragon movie? Technically, yes, but there is only ONE dragon in the entire film, and it doesn't rear its Whoopi Goldberg-esque head until the last 15 minutes. The bulk of the roaring action concerns a giant snake and a mutant army led by a baddie that seems to have been ripped from a "Highlander" movie. I'll get to the snake in a minute, but I have to scoff in the general direction of the evil...general? I don't know what to call him, but the point is that he is pointless. He only exists so that the film can have its fair share of stock battle sequences. The serpent (Imoogi...yeah, that's the name they came up with) looks cool, although certain snake shots have "Sci-fi Original" written all over them.

Hyung-rae Shim directs "D-War" with a steady hand. He steps back during most of the d-warfare, allowing us to take in all of the stunning imagery. The CGI is more polished than I was expecting. It looks like CGI, but I don't see digital effects ever evolving to the point where they are 100% seamless. Without question, the highlight of the film is the walloping action set piece that begins in the middle of the second act. It doesn't seem to end. You may have noticed that I haven't said much about the actors or the characters up to this point. Again, adults and rugrats alike will converge at the theater to see "D-War" in the hopes of viewing harmless violence. The rest isn't worth mentioning, but I am obligated to mention it.

Jason Behr is tolerable as Ethan, the reincarnation of a Korean warrior. He's sooooo cute (omg omg omg). Amanda Brooks does what she has to do as Sarah, the reincarnation of a sacrificial lamb. I just love how she agrees to go barhopping immediately after snapping and bedecking the walls of her house in Korean text. Craig Robinson is half-asleep as Bruce, the token black guy. To my pleasant surprise, he isn't given typical "I'm black!" dialogue. I feared that he would wind up doing an Anthony Anderson impersonation, but he kept stereotypes at bay (the handgun bit is moronic, though). Robert Forster is downright hideous as the wise old man. Ugh, he came across as one of those touchy-feely uncles. Fuck off, man.

The climactic mon(o)ster-a-mon(o)ster is killer. Am I the only American who dug this flick? Hopefully not. It's not "King Kong," but I stole a few mindless thrills from the whole shebang. "The Host" retains its title as the best Korean genre picture in the last twenty years. Even so, I would advise you to take your little one to see this innoxious Imoogi. You may smile once or twice.