Drowning

I try to forget you and her
I'm dying to forget you and her
The pain is too much to bear
I use all my energy trying to forget
Trying to believe you want to be mine
Trying to believe you won't leave again
Trusting that when you leave home you really go where you say you are
Cringing when the phone rings because I'm afraid its her again

Why do you still talk to her?
Why is it her "friendship" you defend your right to pursue?
Why do you still need her if I'm here and trying to be what you want?

I forget her and my life moves on
slowly and painfully
sometimes twitching on its last legs
sometimes flailing and trying not to scream
my life moves on
I go through the motions of caring for my children
or working at my job
I go through each day with my face to the sun
praying it's over
hoping she's gone

Suddenly and without warning
I find her in my life again
She calls on our phone
She calls on your cell phone
She calls at 3 am
You always drop what you're doing to answer
The children and I are not important enough
To ignore her beck and call
Our desperate wounded love
Cannot keep you with us

I see her name on your website
You've linked her to your page
You've erased me "because you were mad at me"
You've been mad at her too
but she can do no wrong

For you I can do nothing right
I am drowning
Drowning and begging for air
I am surrounded in hopelessness
In despair
Only you can lift me up
Rescue my heart
Give me hope
Return my life back to normal

Still you refuse.
You still need her for some reason
For what?
I need you and your body is here
Your mind and heart are with her
She told the world that you love her
She told the world she is first in your life
She knows how you REALLY feel
Again she is miles ahead of me
After all, who am I?

I am only your wife.
Drowning
In
Darkness.