Drug Testing for 6th Graders Really?

It has been announced that there may be voluntary drug testing for kids as young as 11 or 12 in the school system in New Jersey.

The small town of Belvidere New Jersey has offered a proposal to have its citizen's vote on adding drug screening to the curriculum of their students, the testing would be done between classes and would be totally voluntary.

Can you imagine how bad things have gotten to get us to this point? I mean what could have been going on in that school system to prompt this?

Well we have been investigating (not really), and have turned up some startling facts.

Three months ago the school nurse got suspicious when she noticed two 11 year olds floating 3 feet above their play mats during nap time.

Students have taken to referring to the principal as "the Yard dick" and the assistant principal as "that broke ass # 2"

A 7^th grader reported to the principal that he could not pay for his field trip because he's been having trouble moving his weed.

17 % of student body have not smiled or blinked in six months.

80 year old man was discovered sleeping in the sand box in the school play ground, when they lifted the bags under his eyes they found out it was a 12 year old girl.

Six students reported being "Jacked" for their crack money.

No 1. Student complaint: the silver, glowing worms keep skate boarding around our Sippy cups.

As you know I am a problem solver or as George Bush (GW) said, a joiner not a divider so here are my suggestions to better prepare our kids for a certain future of incarceration.

"Scared straight to the potty", courses for toddlers.

1 and 2 year olds have their diapers scanned and searched before entering a minimum security nursery, where they are given a shock course on the scary side of potty training, intermediate crawling and the ramifications of burping fluids on mommy's best dress.

Practice pre-school Penitentiary.

Six year olds are deloused and finger printed before being placed in an actual working, adult correctional institution. They are treated just like real prisoners with a few minor exceptions 1. They are allowed three Sponge Bob videos a week. 2. Get to wear Spider Man PJ's to the break yard. 3. One cool or warm drink before "Bed-di by" 4. Immediate fresh sheets if they wet the bed, and extra blankee's when needed.