Duke Cheer Card Leaked..

Introduction: Those of us who are seniors have spent about ten combined months of our so called lives camping out on a cold, soggy, litter-strewn ground only to see our hated rival beat us three years in a row. We will not let them make it four. Here's how we will do our part to bring our team through with the victory:

Be sure to open the game with everyone bobbing up and down and chanting "uuuuhhhhh..." This is a must classic, every bit as entertaining as when Duke students first started doing it - just after World War II.

As usual, whenever an opposing player loses a dribble out of bounds, flail your arms up and down to mock them. However, Coach K has instructed us to stop making spastic facial expressions while doing it. (Scheyer thinks we're making fun of him when we do this.)

Because we have been doing the same cheers, jeers, and gimmicks for about fifty years now, we're going to really change things around for this big game. Here's the plan: for this game only, we are going to move the two fat guys wearing togas from courtside to under the Duke basket. They will switch seats with the guys wearing the Viking helmet and the basketball goal head. This will really show off our creativity!

The blue wigs and facial paint are as good as ever. In fact, since this game will be televised on both national and regional networks, we encourage more of our female students to make liberal use of the face paint - lots and lots of paint. A layer or two on the cheerleaders wouldn't hurt either.

Calling opposing players ugly, a Cameron staple in past years, is off limits for this game. Let's face it, with Kyle, Greg, Marty, and Jon on our team, calling an opposing player ugly would be pretty nervy, even by our standards.

One final note: To the dorks wearing the chefs hats in the baseline seats, please stop. While we appreciate the effort at starting some new theme for this century, it just doesn't work. No matter how hard you try, there is no way to turn get "chef" out of a tortured and hideously spelled and pronounced name like Krzyzewski. It really makes us look even more stupid than we want to. No, we can't make you stop, but be on notice: anyone caught wearing those stupid hats again will be barred from the next Dungeons and Dragons tournament in Krzyzewskiville.

So that's it. See you guys on Wednesday night!