DVD Reviews: Horror Flicks Part II

THE FOG

Genre: Horror
Synopsis: A journalist watches a miserable fright flick about leper ghosts and is so appalled by the film, that he gouges his eyes out with a fish stick and burns Columbia Pictures to the ground.
Pros: Forget about it.
Cons: This godawful remake of 1980's "The Fog" is dreadful beyond description. About ten minutes in, I was ready to turn it off. The pace is lackadaisical, the acting is putrid (that's what you get when you cast teens because they're "pretty"), and the special effects are less convincing than the many lies I've told my parents over the years. Director Rupert Wainwright, whose claim to fame is helming three MC Hammer videos, can't even make an ocean look like an ocean. Most of "The Fog" was shot on a soundstage, and you know what? It looks like it was shot on a soundstage. I don't know how I made it through this shipwrecked piece of sh...rapnel. Please watch the original instead. I beg of you.
Supplementary Material: A commentary track,3 featurettes, and deleted scenes.

HIGH TENSION

Genre: Horror
Synopsis: A psychopath kills people.
Pros: You'll have to excuse the gruff, unceremonious synopsis. The plot itself is extremely simple, but it ends with an offhand twist that is too easy to spoil (more on that later). "High Tension" is a true throwback to the sweaty, nasty exploitation films from the '70s. The suspense will rive your nerves, the bloodshed will shock your senses, and the unearthly soundtrack will give you goosebumps only to sand them off later. You already know if you'd like this sort of thing, so there's no point in recommending "Really, Really High Tension" to a select retinue of moviegoers. It's not for the squeamish. Or people who aren't fond of decapitations.
Cons: I have a big problem with the ending. Director Alexandre Aja tries too hard to be clever and complicates a film that should have been more linear. The climactic revelation isn't even original. If I used a rating system, I would give the first 75 minutes a 9/10. The last 15 minutes deserve a sucktastic 2/10.

Supplementary Material: A commentary track and 3 featurettes.

HOSTEL

Genre: Horror
Synopsis: Friends stumble upon all sorts of murder while traveling overseas.
Pros: Finally, a horror film that is horrifying! "Hostel" pushes buttons that few genre offerings dare to push. I was disturbed, envenomed, and quite subverted. For some, this is a negative quality, but if you seek out morbid entertainment, it can be rewarding in a backwards way that only gorehounds understand. Speaking of gore, director Eli Roth packs his project full of septic slaughter. We get guttings, dismemberments, and an eyeball gag that must be seen to be believed (no pun intended). The acting is credible, so the film never dips into b-movie territory. Of course, this is only my opinion. I'm sure that "Hostel" is loathed by many a moviegoer. If this repulsive ruction sounds like your bag of bones, do take a chance on it.
Cons: The popcorn I ate during the film wasn't salty enough.
Supplementary Material: 4 commentary tracks, a behind-the-scenes featurette, and a multi-angle interactive feature.