DVD Reviews: Kid Pics

BAD NEWS BEARS

Genre: Comedy
Synopsis: Grizzled exterminator Morris Buttermaker coaches a little league team of delinquents to the Championship.
Pros: It seems like I've reviewed thousands of sports-themed movies this year. They've all been aimed at children, and they've all shared the same plot. There is nothing terribly special about this remake of 1976's "Bad News Bears." It is what it is, but thankfully, it knows what it is, and it knows that it is what it is. In my opinion, it's pretty good. Billy Bob Thornton plays a watered down version of his character from "Bad Santa," and he does it with roguish self-possession. Buttermaker is multi-faceted, and we get to see the different shades of his personality. The kids are hilarious. I especially dug the pudgy invalid who supplicates his teammates for empathy ("My mom said I have cancer in my eye."). That quote is funnier than you think it is.
Cons: I wasn't bothered by too much other than the fact that this film is a useless remake. There won't be any new classics if we keep mining the past for ideas.
Supplementary Material: A commentary track, featurettes, deleted scenes, outtakes, and video baseball cards (huh?).

CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY

Genre: Children
Synopsis: Reclusive entrepreneur Willy Wonka invites five children to visit his world famous chocolate factory.
Pros: 1971's "Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory" is one of my favorite movies of all time. I've watched it A LOT, and I have the script committed to memory. Does Tim Burton's rendition of the timeless Roald Dahl novel measure up? Yes and no. I like the addendums to the original story. The flashbacks to Wonka's childhood were well-executed (Christopher Lee is terrific as Dr. Wilbur Wonka), and I dug the scenes that were taken straight out of the book. Also, Johnny Depp's quirky performance as the guileless, jejune Willy Wonka is worthy of note. I want his hat.
Cons: This pseudo-remake lacks the wit and warmth of its antecessor. The dialogue is often redundant, the character development is stifled, and the narrative isn't as patient as it should be. The film is in too much of a hurry to get to the chocolate factory. By contrast, the Gene Wilder-starring "Wonka" is vastly superior to this confectionary consecution.
Supplementary Material: The 2-Disc Deluxe Edition includes 8 featurettes, 4 games, and a pack of trading cards.

CHICKEN LITTLE

Genre: Children
Synopsis: Chicken Little announces that the sky is falling. When it's revealed that he was mistaken, the townspeople rally together to admonish the foolish cockalorum. Thus, the first Chick-fil-A restaurant was born.
Pros: This is a children's film. It's not a children's film that most adults will enjoy. It's a children's film that children will enjoy. I didn't enjoy it. But your children will. There are a lot of colors, sounds, and cute animals. The first act was agreeable enough. I smirked at the many references to other films (the Indiana Jones repartee is funny). The pace was peppy, but this boffo banty clucked its last cluck at the 30-minute mark.
Cons: Somehow, "Chicken Little" lost all of its momentum before anything particularly memorable happened. It just wasn't entertaining. I don't know how to objectively critique it. If you want to quench your kid's thirst for animation without putting your own sanity at risk, rent "Wallace & Gromit" or "Robots" instead. I can't say that I have any constructive criticism to offer, but I doubt that Disney cares.
Supplementary Material: Godforsaken deleted scenes, a godforsaken making-of featurette, a godforsaken interactive game, a godforsaken karaoke sing-a-long, and two godforsaken music videos.