Dying Silence
You aren't even listening! As
I stand here confessing to you
my soul. You just lie there,
I stand here confessing to you
my soul. You just lie there,
Silent, like I don't matter,
like I never will. Never did.
I'm not just talking; I have
something to say. Hand in hand,
can you feel this? It's hot
in here. But you are so cold.
Don't leave me alone,
in this never dying
silence. I need you now
and always. Say you'll never
leave me. Say anything,
so I know that you
are there for me, even
still. You're heart is quiet,
your eyes sewn shut. Lips
are tight. But mine, they move,
hear you no sound? My heart beats
but you feel it not.
I'm telling you all I needed
to say. But you aren't even
listening. I love you, still.
Can you hear me?
Published by Mandy Kaye
Looks to me like we've got a classic case of...writer's block! View profile
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6 Comments
Post a CommentNice work. Sadly, you must forgive them because they know not what they do. No, they do not hear or understand, sometimes. You may have to move on and save yourself. :-) I loved your emotion and can relate. Good job.
He must be a rotting body, or a heatless soul to not be hearing words so meaningful and pure....I hope you dont write out of self experience. Good Poem
It's like you, the author, feels life and alive but sees everyone else, the reader, to be devoid of life. The author appears to be begging the reader to come back to life, berating him even for having died and left the author so alone. Weird.
You can feel the frustration coming from the poet that want's to grab the person they're talking to and shack them and scream, "Are you listening to me???" Very well done.
This is a very powerful poem. I think you did an excellent job. There is deep, painful emotion in it. I look forward to reading more.
A nice poem, but laying out what your reader is supposed to "see" or "find" -- as you did in your abstract to the poem -- tends to detract from the reading itself. I found myself trying to more or less see what YOU were expecting me to see, and was disappointed that the fact the addressee was dead seemed obvious, which may not have been so had you not given that bit away in your intro. I don't mean to sound like a heavy critic, but in the future you may want to consider holding off on providing your intended meaning until after you've started getting some feedback on it! Otherwise, nice poem!