Dynamics of Writing

Writing is always a process of trial and error. At times, you may write what you see to be nothing noteworthy but is gold to another. In the same area, you may write what you see as a masterpiece of intellectual capability put into your words and your insight, while others disregard it as nonesense.
I find that when I write, I am expressing myself. By what I choose to write, it mirrors my attitude and what I am pondering. Often times I write comedic stories or articles, so comedic almost childish. However, I write in comedy when I am feeling anxiety of my life. I pour my anxious soul into a joke, into a story that mirrors nothing how I feel or what I'm dealing with. Comedy writing is my escape, a subject to pull me away from my fears.
I have been writng recently of stories that play out through my head. Characters that I create and mold into whatever image I wish to. They bend to my will and to my thoughts of what I wish them to do, how I wish them to act. Each one having a different personality, a different story behind their every move.
It is in a new character that I can escape, I can find time away from myself and look into my creation and what he will do next. I can also reflect my current frustrations and emotions onto this character. The character, in a sense, can become like me and I will feel that he, my creation, understands my hurt and my pain. When I look into what the character himself has been through, I do not feel so alone in my life. Also, he may look to me and feel that I understand his fears and his thoughts.
When you make a story you become god, creator, and narrator of that story. Your creation that you have begun begs to be continued and finished in whatever ending you see fit. Much like how, in my perception, God created us and we beg to see him continue our stories, in hopes of a happy ending.
Happy endings are, sadly, few and far between in real life. So in my own characters, perhaps their story I can turn better, in the hopes that I smile for them in the end. Or I can turn their endings into hell, so that another may know my pain and I may take joy in that. Be it a fictional character, their pain not being real, but for the story's sake it may as well be truth.
In the same contemplation, I wonder, just how real our own lives are. My thoughts may be the ravings a mad man or possibly the most sane thing you've heard all day. I am not outside of myself, therefore I cannot diagnose myself or judge myself. The one closest to my heart chooses to think the former, in that I am simply insane and so are my thoughts, so are my creations.
These are my thoughts when I compose and put together what I write. It can be merely an escape or it can be my heart poured forth in the disguise of a story. These are the dynamics of why I write.