Easing the Emotional Pain After Her Cesarean: A Prescription for Loved Ones

When a mother leaves the hospital following her c-section, she will leave with a list of suggestions on ways to promote physical healing. However, advice on easing the emotional pain of the c-section is often not addressed. Considering that studies reveal that mothers are reporting that the emotional pain of a c-section is more debilitating and longer lasting than the physical pain, it is a shame that this aspect of healing is ignored. Further, a lack of literature exists for loved ones wishing to help ease the mother's emotional burden. Often times, loved ones feel ill-equipped to help address the unique emotional needs of the mother even though there are several steps that they can take to assist the c-section mother in healing.

Easing the Emotional Pain of a C-section Tip #1

Validate her feelings. Foster an atmosphere that welcomes the mother to talk openly about her feelings without judgment. Validation does not mean that you necessarily agree with her, but that you understand her point-of-view and recognize her right to feel as she does. Psychologists have noted that validation is one of the most important ways you can let a person know that you care about them. Be careful not to indicate that her feelings are irrelevant. Particularly for women who have difficulty verbalizing their insecurities, it is important for loved ones not to shut down communication. Validation is the key to helping a mother proceed in the emotional healing process.

Easing the Emotional Pain of a C-section Tip #2

Do not assume how she feels. Some mothers may be perfectly accepting of her c-section and have no emotional baggage. Others may feel relieved after a long or difficult labor. Others yet may feel cheated or as if they had somehow failed. Accept her emotions as they are. Expect that her emotions may change and swing over time. Never assume that she feels a certain way. If you do not understand her emotional state, gently ask her to explain how she is feeling.

Easing the Emotional Pain of a C-section Tip #3

Do not tell her she should "just be happy." Many well-meaning friends and family will offer the advice to just be happy that the baby is healthy. This statement can be so damaging to the mother's self esteem. It can serve to make the mother feel even guiltier, as if she does not appreciate her baby. This advice can miss the point of how the mother may be feeling. It is likely that her negative feelings have little to do with how she sees her baby, but rather with how she feels about herself. Mothers of c-section babies can be perfectly overjoyed with their newborn babes and be completely outraged with the manner in which their little ones had to be born into this world. There is no shame in wanting for a healthier, safer birth.

Easing the Emotional Pain of a C-section Tip #4

Do not compare to others births. Suppress the desire to compare the birth to others, unless it is done in such a way that the discussion validates the mother's feelings. Comparing in the spirit of "You should just be glad that you did not have a birth like Jane's." can also be damaging to the mother's state. Further, if the mother believes that her c-section was caused by certain action or inaction, do not relate it to someone who had a similar experience with a different outcome. Nurture the c-section mother by focusing on her thoughts, her feelings, and her concerns.

Easing the Emotional Pain of a C-section Tip #5

Be prepared for waves of emotions. Any new mother, regardless of how she birthed her baby, is likely going to experience a fluctuation of emotions as hormones adjust. Always be ready to listen, even when you think that she has dealt with her emptional issues.. Occasionally, her emotions might be triggered by various events: the birth of a friend's baby, the decision to conceive another baby, or the time during a subsequent pregnancy.

Easing the Emotional Pain of a C-section Tip #6

If needed, promptly seek appropriate outside help for the mother. Several studies are indicating that mothers who have c-sections have a greater risk of developing post partum depression and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. These illnesses warrant adequate attention from a health care provider and need to be taken seriously. Also, it is well documented that c-sections can have a negative impact on breastfeeding. For mothers who are struggling with breastfeeding help them seek out the educated support of a lactation consultant.

Easing the Emotional Pain of a C-section Tip #7

If she expresses a concern over future birthing experiences, help her seek out accurate information on her options. There is a great deal of inaccurate information about a mother's choices after a c-section. If she begins thinking about future births, it is important for her to have accurate information. Help her to make an informed decision about her future birthing options.

Establishing an open, non-judgmental line of communication with the mother is essential. By listening effectively and responding appropriately, loved ones can provide emotional support to the mother who has undergone a c-section. Family and friends can play a crucial role in helping to promote the emotional healing of a c-section mother.