Easing the Transition to Middle School

The transition to middle school can be a tough time for kids and parents. The days of parent volunteers in each class and close connections to teachers are over. Middle School students are expected to manage a lot more work and many more responsibilities, with a lot less hand holding from teachers and parents. While this poses a lot of challenges for students, it is often parents who have the hardest time making the transition. Figuring out how to remain engaged in your child's education and still giving them the room they need to grow socially and academically is a tricky balance to find. Here are some strategies to help you, and your student, make the most of the middle school years.

1. Get Organized. For most students and parents middle school is the first time that they have a teacher for every subject. The amount of paper and homework that will need to be managed can multiply at rate you won't believe. Most schools work with kids to get their binders and folders organized but it is helpful for you to get involved in that process. When you have an idea of how their work for each class is organized it will be easier through out the year to suggest where they might find that "missing" assignment or study guide. Don't forget to organize at home too. Having a system to keep track of announcements, homework, and more will keep you and your student on track. Create a homework station and some kind of inbox for new papers that may need to be signed or reviewed by parents.

2. Know the Players. In addition to more work, there are more people to keep track of in middle school. Students are likely to have as many as 7 teachers, not including educational specialists, coaches, and club leaders. It is important to know each of these individuals and have contact information available. Many school systems use email and online classroom pages to keep parents informed so be sure you are registered for any of these services. Many will even allow you to keep track of your student's grades so you can catch potential problems early.

In addition to teachers, there are many new peers. Adolescents are notoriously poor reporters of information so keep a keen ear out for the names of new friends or students who seem to be problematic. In this age of cell phones, texting, and social networking, it can be hard to keep up with your child's friends. So be sure you are asking about new people and encourage your child to invite new friends to your home so you can meet them. You probably won't know every child but you should know the key players in your child's day.

3. Stay Involved. If you were an active participant in your child's elementary school you may be surprised by the new role of parents in middle school. Gone are the days of reading stories to their class or eating lunch in the cafeteria. With so many classes and content to cover, having parents in the classroom is not always a help to teachers; and frankly your child is not likely to want you there . But there are still opportunities to be involved.

Sports teams and after school clubs are often in need of parent support and most schools have some form of parent-teacher association. Keep an eye out for special activity days and committees for special projects. By participating in these activities you are able to support your child's school, get to know the important people in their life, and often see your child in his new environment.

4. Back off. While it is crucial that you remain involved with your child and their school, you must also realize that they need space away from you. Middle school is a time of self exploration and for many kids having mom or dad hanging around doesn't make it easy to define their new adolescent identity. Adolescents need time with peers away from their parents in order to navigate this new social territory. With drugs, alcohol, sex, and body image being pervasive problems at this age, it is not a time to become completely hands off. Rather this is the first of many baby steps toward adulthood. Allowing your middle school student to choose their own clothes or music or spend time with friends alone are just a few examples of opportunities to back off without checking out all together. Use your judgment and find ways in which you can allow your child the freedom to develop their own sense of self.

5. Get Connected. Just as important as giving your child space, it is also crucial to find ways in which to get connected. As peers and popular culture become more interesting than parents, it can be difficult to get and keep your teen's attention. Creating regular family rituals is one good way of staying connected. Whether its dinner every night at the table or something less traditional like ice cream sundaes on Thursday afternoons, having a regularly recurring time in your week that is devoted to talking with your child is important. Remember adolescents are moody and often irritable creatures. Family time is not guaranteed to be happy time but don't let grumbling or griping derail you. In the midst of pre-teen whining or one-word conversations is often when important happenings in their life gets revealed. If you still find it hard to connect, get creative. While face time is the best, it's ok to use technology like texting and email to connect with your kids. Friend them on Facebook and other social networking sites (if you allow them to use those). It's a great way to keep up with their every changing interests while keeping an eye on their social circle.

6. Accept and embrace change. Your baby is not your baby anymore. This is a time for new boundaries and rules. Sit down at the start of the school year and talk about your expectations and your child's. Find out what they think they should be allowed to do. Whether its staying up later (research shows that their biological clock usually pushes back at this age, making it hard to fall asleep early) or going places alone; it's best to address these changes early before they become battlegrounds. It can be helpful to talk with other parents and school counselors about what's normal and then use what you know about your child to make appropriate rules. And remember, with new privileges should come new responsibilities. This is an excellent time to help your child understand that with maturity come rewards and obligations. Whether that's working around the house to earn that new cell phone or taking on a new chore as part of a deal to stay up later- responsibilities at home reinforce good work habits for school and beyond.

7. Get help when you need it.If you think your child is struggling, don't wait to seek help. Whether it is an academic issue or a social one, there are a multitude of resources to help you. The school counselor can be a great place to start along with your child's teacher. With so many new things to manage, it is always a good idea to teach your child how to ask for help. Tutoring and academic support should be seen as a resource not statement about their intelligence. And if you are wondering if certain behaviors are a sign of something more serious, seek professional advice immediately. Many of the issues that older generations faced in high school, such as drugs and sexuality, are now prominent topics of discussion at the middle school level. This is not the time to dismiss your concerns as over protective.

Your pediatrician can help and most therapists are happy to see a family for one or two sessions as a consultation to decide if there is a need for ongoing treatment. Another excellent option to consider is a group for middle school students. Some schools and community centers will offer groups to address all kinds of common issues including depression, bullying, body-image and eating disorders, cutting, and substance abuse. Speak to your school counselor or ask your friends and family for referrals. Educating yourself and your child about these issues is a great first step. And remember that it is always better to seek help early, even if you aren't sure it's needed, rather than wait till things spiral out of control.

Middle school can be tough but with a little help you can make the transition a good one. In spite of their reputation as difficult, middle school aged kids can be wonderful. If you understand the challenges they face and the kind of support they need, you can survive middle school and build a strong relationship at the same time.