East vs. West: Britney Spears and Tragedy

Women's hair may stand at the heart of the conflict between East and West. On February 21, 2007, a female Pakistani minister was assassinated for not wearing a veil. Not one thing this government official did was more important to her killer than her missing head covering.

This act rings senseless in the West, no matter how many times extremist rationales accompany reports of "honor killings." Here, a murderer brings shame on his family for taking the life of a fellow human being. Nevertheless, Westerners reveal their obsessions with female hair, too.

The minister went down after refusing to hide her locks. Britney Spears shaved hers off and ended up in rehab within 24 hours. One justification that quickly appeared was the possibility her hair contained too many split ends. Excessive bleaching rendered it unredeemable, perhaps.

In the West, what man must justify taking a razor to his head, even if he ends up looking goofy? The Pakistani minister was allowed no justification for individual choice. Spears' sanity quickly became a subject of doubt for barbering her head without considering the public's reaction.

Presidential Candidate Hillary Clinton also receives regular ridicule if her hair disappoints expectations. Meanwhile, politicos enthuse about Bill's "charisma" and "masterful political skills." A good portion of this magic consists of a bountiful mane, like JFK's.

In the West, comparisons reveal that a woman's hair has become her veil. She must keep it voluminous and mysterious, or she's out of the running-for commercials, campaigns, or even Speaker of the House.

In Ireland, an occasional rock star may risk accusations of madness by going bald, but how often do American women throw away their road to glory? No Breck Girl, in all the records known to the US Congress or the Internet files, scanned by the CIA!

The Mona Lisa is one thing. The Mona Baldy is an inconceivable disaster! On the worst day of her sad life, Anna Nicole Smith never swore off her hair. That lustrous main assaults viewers of Anna in black, Anna in green, or Anna in white. Her blonde hairdo remains crown and corona.

The West has even coined a phrase to capture the ultimate misery: A Bad Hair Day. Women suffer from it; men don't. When a female's hair refuses to behave, she is tempted to stay home and never turn up again, until this frightful wrong is righted.

Certainly, the word "extremist" applies to anyone who commits murder over hair, period. But, Helen of Troy didn't inspire the Trojan War because she went baldy with Britney. If she had, her kidnapper might have decided war was a pretty goofy idea.

Goofy ideas seem to enjoy immense popularity, however, in both West and East. Perhaps a barber's union could span the global travesty. Stylists could lend a hand, too, in working toward world peace. Let their motto be: Give ANYONE a BAD HAIR DAY, and we're history!

Meanwhile, the murder of one woman who worked for the common good is grim news, indeed. Ms. Zill-e-Huma Usman, Provincial Minister for Social Welfare in Gujranwala, was murdered on February 20. Britney needs to get over her hair loss-and tackle real tragedies.