Education: Helping Parents Survive Their Students Freshman Year

Your son or daughter may have been the Valedictorian of their high school graduating class and number one scholastically earning a 4.0; however, they are now heading into a new and perhaps intimidating chapter in their life . . . college. Moving away from home for the first time can be a traumatic experience in itself, not just for the students, for parents as well. You have been their educational support system for twelve academic years and now they are starting out as a university freshman. Once the exhilaration of being accepted into the ideal college has worn off and the SUV is packed with all their worldly possessions, the real work begins.

Parents should remember because your students are new freshman they are in reality "post-high school students." Having no real college experience their freshman year is their first year of formal college of their college experience. It takes time to understand and to absorb these new surroundings. By the time they are sophomores they've grasped internal workings of daily university life and in my experience are a functioning emotionally on a college student level. As a former Director of Student Life and Services for a major east coast university here are a few things that may help them through their freshmen year so that it's fun, stress free and memorable.

Know you are not the only one who is anxious: Remember everyone's nervous. You are nervous, your parents are nervous. It's okay and relatively normal to feel this way. It's okay to let your parents know you are having pangs of separation anxiety. Acknowledge these feelings before leaving home. Better to discuss and express them now than two weeks into the semester when it may be more difficult to handle.

Attend your Orientation Programs: It's very important they attend their college's orientation programs. Orientation is more than giving out facts and information about their college. It is a great way to meet and greet other freshmen like themselves in a social atmosphere. If they are living on campus colleges usually ask the Residential Hall Assistants to participate. RA's as they are known are the student staff members who will be their go- to- personnel when the Resident Hall Director is not available. They have been through everything your student is going through and know how to assist them with their concerns and questions.

Parents Orientations: Most colleges will have a separate orientation for parents and guardians. You will receive important information such as Financial Aid deadlines, Health and Medical information, Curriculum Guidelines, etc. You will also be informed by both the Dean(s) and faculty of a document called the Buckley Amendment or FERPA which prohibits university employees, faculty et cetera from distributing any information about your student's personal college information. If your student is over the age of 18 they are [in most states] considered legal adults and have the right of privacy under this amendment. If your student is starting college at the age of 17 years old they by law are considered a minor and will need your permission to leave the campus for field trips, medical consent and/or attention, et cetera. Some colleges provide waivers for parents to sign giving their student the right to make their own decisions and/or allowing their parents to be informed of their college information which include grades, medical test results, etc. If your student is attending an art college or taking art classes as part of their curriculum they may need to get your permission to attend Nude Modeling Drawing Classes.

5 Important Pieces of identification /Documentation your student will need to bring: Nearly all universities require you to have at least three pieces of identification to work on campus. The Department of Immigration and Naturalization Services requires student workers to fill out an I-9 form. Whether you have financial aid or working part-time this form must be completed by law to prove you are a United States citizen or proof of legal residency. They may also need a few other forms of documentation.

Your student will need to bring 3 of the following documents to complete their I-9:
1. Social Security Card
2. U.S. Passport [current]
3. Baptismal Certificate [optional]
4. Photo Identification: High School Student ID, a valid State Identification Card or Drivers Licenses

My recommendation would be 1, 2, and 4. Students need to complete this form once. All of the above documentation should be returned home once the I-9 form is done for safe keeping.

Other documents would be:

1. Medical History [Highly suggested but not required]: If your student has medical needs this would be helpful for the Student Health Center to know. Things such as allergies, asthma, are sometime exacerbated by the stress of college life. It's good to have their medical history at hand if needed.

2. Proof of Immunization(s) [Mandatory]

Expect those late night phone calls: Half way through the semester you may get those phone calls from both sons and daughters expressing feelings of homesickness. Remember these are just pangs of mild separation anxiety and usually will pass by mid-semester. Be sympathetic and also let them know it will pass. If homesickness turns into depression contact your students Health Services Office. They have wonderful support systems in place for students needing extra attention. If you have a solid relationship with your student suggest they pay a visit to the college counseling center. If the condition worsens it may be time for a trip to the college to discuss additional help from these support systems with your student.

It's okay to leave: If college isn't your student's cup of all-nighter coffee, at least for now, it's better for them to leave and return when they are emotionally ready to handle the separation from home life and take on the challenges of college life. Many students return in a year ready, willing and able to handle their college environment head on. Remember college takes self initiative. Unlike high school there is no one reminding them to complete their assignments, wake up on time or to do their laundry . . . wait, that's what weekend visits are for.

However, as parents it is your responsibility to encourage them to enjoy their educational experience and to tell them you will wait at least one semester before turning their bedroom into your new workout room.

Source Material(s):

Deb Martin-Webster: 28 years experience as an Art Administrator,formerly Director of Student Life and Services, Orientation Coordinator for Tyler School of Art-Temple University