E-E-T: Joe Biden Talks "Turkey" While Barack Obama Gets Mad at Iran-Kinda

(Pittsburgh-PA) According to a speech at the recent G-20 Summit by President Barack Obama, the United States has "detailed evidence" that "Iran has been building a covert uranium enrichment facility." The speech mentioned the location of the Iranian nuclear plant, located on a military base near the city of Qom. President Obama was stern and unyielding saying the United States will "take concrete steps" for Iran to comply with its international obligations. The President didn't outline those steps but he stressed "I will reveal them in due course on either "The Late Show with David Letterman" or "The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien.""

(Alexandria-VA) Vice President Joe Biden, attending a fundraising event for three Democratic House members, Congressmen Glenn Nye, Gerry Connelly and Tom Perriello, was direct in his praise. "These guys are smart," stated Biden. But he then added, "Some of the guys I campaigned for are turkeys. Not all Democrats are created equal, while most Republicans are." When asked by a reporter after his speech if the Vice President meant that by Republicans being equal they were all "turkeys" or Republicans were all more equally competent than Democrats, Vice President Biden replied, "Look, I made a mistake. I know using the term "turkey" could be deemed offensive to animal rights advocates."

(Chowchilla-CA) Susan Atkins, former member of the Manson family who murdered pregnant actress Sharon Tate during a two-day killing spree in 1969, has died of brain cancer. Atkins was sentenced to life imprisonment for her crimes. Since she entered prison in 1971, Atkins became a born-again Christian who worked to help at-risk youth, victims of violent crimes and homeless children. Despite these actions, Atkins was denied a request for a compassionate release in July 2008. News of Atkins' death reached released Lockerbie bomber Abdelbeset Ali Mohmed al Megrahi, who due to terminal prostate cancer was granted a compassionate release after having been convicted in the murder of 270 people by a Scottish Court. He reacted by saying, "Boy, am I lucky!"

(London-UK) According to a recent report from Plan International, thousands of children worldwide are working on tobacco farms and because of it are suffering from toxic levels of nicotine exposure. Handling tobacco leaves without gloves, the children can absorb the same amount of nicotine in one day of harvesting that they would from smoking 50 cigarettes, the report claims. Reacting to the report, Franklin Candlre, head of a tobacco lobby said, "This practice disgusts all United States cigarette manufacturers, who would never exploit third world child labor to increase profits. It's much more profitable to market smoking to the growing tween consumer."

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