Eggo Blueberry Mini Muffin Tops: A Review

That Kellogg's Eggo division has released a breakfast treat called Mini Muffin Tops is far less surprising than the fact that it took so gosh darn long. It's been at least ten long years and possibly as many as thirty since one of those Seinfeld writers came up with the idea of constructing one of their complicated plots (that they successfully managed to dupe people into thinking were plotless shows about nothing in particular) in which a store is opened that is dedicated to selling the best part of the muffin: the top.

So, after roughly half a century, Kellogg's Eggo division finally gets around to making a toaster treat that features the best part of the muffin. (The top.) These Eggo Mini Muffin Tops come in at least two varieties that I'm aware of: chocolate chip and blueberry. Now, I love chocolate chips as much as the next guy, especially on muffins and moo goo gai pan and such, but this review only takes on the blueberry variety. Because, let's admit it, blueberries and muffins go together like Republicans and wasting money on unnecessary military defense programs. If that's too abstract for you, then how about this one: Blueberries and muffins go together like thongs and sandy buns.

First a disclaimer. If you are planning on buying the Eggo Mini Muffin Tops because you are expecting to munch on some big ol' puffy muffin tops like you would get from that ancient Seinfeld episode while on your way to drop off little Dakota at elementary school and Britney at high school, then you'll be disappointed. These are Eggos, my friend. The Mini Muffins come four to a pack and, yes, they do tend to get caught in the tines deep down in the chasm of your toaster. Be very careful in retrieving them. Once you get these muffin tops out of the toaster, however, you won't be disappointed. They are, in a word, extraordinarily addictive.

Now, understand that I am a guy who turns to such things as Toaster Pastries for dessert long after Regis and Kelly have sucked the brains out of another viewer. In other words, I will turn to Eggo Mini Muffins as late as when other people have just had their brains sucked out by Simon Cowell. What I'm trying to say is that Eggo Mini Muffins, at least the blueberry variety, are delicious. You won't even care that the muffin tops themselves are only about as the size of the hole you make when you touch the tip of your index finger to your thumb. If that doesn't make you understand how much I'm recommending this breakfast treat, then perhaps this will: I would almost be willing to become a paid spokesman. And, as you may or may not know, the entire thought of being a paid spokesman even for things I actually use fills me with revulsion.