EHarmony Online Dating

I am very much opposed to the idea of online dating for myself. While I know that others have had positive experiences with it, I've tried it on several occasions with various sites, and most dates were a one-shot deal, with a few proceeding to a second date, but never further.

The reason I think that online dating doesn't work for me is that my personality doesn't really match the type of information I would put in a traditional profile. Furthermore, I don't want someone who will like me based on my photos, my job, my acheivements, etc. I want to connect with someone on a much deeper level. When I've done online dating in the past, my profile tends to attract very shallow, materialistic guys. And when I search through profiles, it's hard for me to decide if I would be interested in someone.

One of my friends is doing eHarmony. eHarmony isn't a traditional online dating site (e.g. Match.com) because it's supposedly not based on profile information such as age, height, religion, income, occupation, photos, etc. You complete an extensive personality questionnaire and the site matches you with other people based on your personality and values. Instead of viewing everyone's profile and setting search criteria, the site sends you "matches" who they think would be compatible. Almost like an old school dating service.

Seeing as I had nothing better to do one evening, I decided to fill out the personality profile. I didn't think I would actually pay the $50 to subscribe, but I enjoy filling out surveys and I was curious about what they asked. It took me about 25 minutes to really think about the questions and answer them honestly. When I was finished, I expected to see the page where they ask for your credit card information. Instead, I received this message:

"One of the requirements for successful matching is that participants fall within certain defined profiles. If we find that we will not be able to match a user using these profiles, we feel it is only fair to inform them early in the process.

We are so convinced of the importance of creating compatible matches to help people establish happy, lasting relationships that we sometimes choose not to provide service rather than risk an uncertain match.

Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching model could not accurately predict with whom you would be best matched. This occurs for about 20% of potential users, so 1 in 5 people simply will not benefit from our service. We hope that you understand, and we regret our inability to provide service for you at this time."

This only confirms what I already knew- online dating won't work for me! In fact, this eHarmony site is so convinced that it won't work for me, that they aren't even willing to take my money! Maybe it's because I responded that I have been feeling sad and depressed lately, and yet I am always very energetic and extremely physically fit. I guess you don't see an energized depressed person every day. Or maybe it's that I said I excel at setting and acheiving personal goals, but I am feeling scared and hopeless about the future. I am somewhat curious what combination of my answers made me such a difficult person to "profile" in their system. I guess I should take this as a compliment- I'm too unique for them! I cannot be put into a box.

I guess I am just too complex or there are too many conflicting aspects of my personality. My friends and I have theorized that it's difficult for me to find someone who I am really compatible with because I am so deep and I require someone just as deep and reflective. (At least I tell myself that so as not to feel like a complete failure at dating.)

While I like the fact that I am unique and don't fit neatly into any dating "profile", this just confirms my belief that I am meant to be single. That it will take some miracle or act of God for me to find someone who is actually compatible with me- emotionally, spiritually, and lifestylely. (Yes, I just invented a new word).