Eight Great Father's Day Gifts for the Dad Who Has Everything

As Father's Day approaches, it is time to take a look at some great gift ideas you probably hadn't thought of. If you are tired of giving Dad the same old crap year-after-year, here's some other crap you can get him...

DVD of a Really Dumb Movie with Lots of Explosions

Dads love action flicks--preferably with a loose cannon cop and his soon-to-be-retired partner. It doesn't matter if the film has a believable story, just as long as a lot of crap explodes. And there has to be a high body count--the higher the better. And don't forget the obligatory scene where the investigation takes the cops to a strip joint and there are lots of naked chicks wrapped around poles in the background. The nice thing is you can give Dad the same dumb-ass movie next year and he won't even realize he's already seen it.

Some Kind of Electronic Something-or-Other

If you can plug it into a wall, Dad will probably love it--especially if it will enhance his enjoyment of watching those brainless action flicks he loves so much. Just make sure you hook it up for him, because he hasn't had a clue about modern electronics since the inception of cable television.

Two-Month Coma

Men love to take naps. The bad part is that they wake up and have to do crap like take out the garbage and visit the in-laws. This year, have the family doctor put Dad into a two-month drug-induced coma. He will awaken refreshed and ready for the daily grind. Warning: You may find this gift extremely pricey as elective comas are not usually covered by most insurance companies.

Personal Chef

Oprah has one. Of course her chef makes healthy meals so that she doesn't turn into a bigger blimp than she already is. Dad's chef should specialize in frying things in bacon grease because Dad can be a blimp if he wants to be one.

Urinal

Every house should have one and why not put one in for Dad? He will love it simply for the fact that he'll never again have to hear Mom bitching at him for leaving the goddamn toilet seat up!

Reclining Toilet Seat

Two things most men really enjoy are taking a major dump and relaxing in a recliner. Combining these two favorite pastimes into one is bound to put a smile on Dad's face. Throw in a television, Playboy magazine and a cooler full of beer and he may never leave the bathroom.

Lifetime Supply of Viagra

No, the thought of Dad laying pipe may not be pleasant, but just imagine the poor guy sitting on the edge of the bed, sobbing because he can no longer raise the Titanic. Besides, he's gonna need a little help from his friends if you decide to get him...

Jessica Alba

Just imagine the look on Dad's face when he unwraps his present and out jumps tall, beautiful Jessica Alba! Just imagine the look on Mom's face as she shoves the bread maker you gave her for Mother's Day up your ass.