Eight Ways to Keep Your Church from Growing
2. When visitors arrive in tattered clothes, jeans, sandals, or (gasp!) shorts, be sure to look them up and down disapprovingly. You're dressed to kill, and everyone knows God wants us to spend lots of money on fine clothing and fancy jewelry. How dare they presume to worship our Lord when they are not dressed in proper attire?
3. When newcomers accidentally sit in "your seat" give them icy looks. You've been sitting there for years and everyone in the congregation knows it. What gives newcomers the right to sit there? They belong in the back row of the church with the rest of the sinners!
4. When the offering plate is passed and the visitors decline to contribute, give them more condescending looks. Never mind that the father is unemployed, the mother is disabled, and they don't know how they are going to feed the kids the rest of the week.
5. When the church service is over, be sure to gather together in your cliques, and hurry out to the local buffet without inviting the visitors. They might actually be able to hold an interesting conversation and add new life to your stale gatherings. Heaven forbid!
6. Make suggestions to the pastor to improve the church and its programs. When he says that's a great idea and gives you the go-ahead, do absolutely nothing and wonder why nothing gets done.
7. Squabble among yourselves over things that don't really matter, like what color to paint the sanctuary or who is going to make the peach cobbler for the next church dinner. It's what you want that matters, who cares what anyone else thinks? Create rifts and divisions as much as possible over insignificant details.
8. Let the pastor do all the work; isn't that his job? He only works an hour or two on Sunday. He should have plenty of free time to write a sermon, greet visitors, maintain the building, mind the budget, teach the Sunday School, manage the youth group, visit the sick, counsel congregants, make the post-visit calls, and implement outreach programs. Be sure to lay all the blame at his feet as your church building falls apart and the congregation dwindles.
Published by Jill Davidson
Ms. Davidson is self-employed as a secondhand merchant, crafter, and free-lance writer. View profile
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20 Comments
Post a CommentI like your sense of humor in this article. Everything you mentioned in this article happens in so many churches. Many people don't attend church because of some the reasons you mentioned such as the first one. I have had the experience of attending a church that had unfriendly members. I no longer attend that church because I felt uncomfortable.
I like your style of writing! And there is so much truth in what you say here. I am adding you to my favorites, where I will not miss your articles!
This article should be sent out to every church to distribute among its congregation. Very good article and I feel that this happens more often than what it should.
You make some good points. Those things will drive folks away.
Excellent tips! Following this list will definitely prevent any church from growing - and as an added bonus, might even cause attrition!
Seriously though, I never understood the practice of getting dressed up for church. God knows what we look like on the inside, He really doesn't care how we look on the outside. Thank you for this list.
Although I'm not a "regular" church attendee, my church of choice is one for the books: they welcome EVERYONE, literally. I could truly see Jesus sitting in the crowd at this particular church. It's a community church, without a denomination handle. Great, entertaining article.
Thanks for the interesting way of putting this together
Rebecca, I often wondered that if the back three rows of the church were marked "For sinners only" how many people would actually sit there.
A very entertaining piece, which unfortunately is full of many truths! :)
Hmmm, sitting in the back pew with my girlfriend means we are the sinners? I hope many folks get to read this article. Good one to showcase the humanity we all struggle against.