Eight Ways to Turn Off a Woman

If the two of you go to a hotel together and the desk clerk asks what type of room you are looking for, do not tell him that you want one with a bed. Similarly, if your girlfriend lets you pay her library fine, don't tell the librarian that you want a wing named after you. If you review a line in your mind before you use it, which you should, and it sounds like someone should've thought of it before because it's just too easy, it probably isn't an original thought.

7. Playing down the dangers women face

If you try to convince your date that she is being dramatic because she doesn't want to go downtown and walk around with you at 2 am, you are a danger to her and to yourself. If you are in college, you should not ask your girlfriend to prop open the door of her dorm so you can sneak in. Read a newspaper sometime. Oh, and if you keep buying your girlfriend drinks when she is too drunk to make the decision to stop drinking, be prepared to clean up vomit. We can't metabolize alcohol the way you can; look at what has happened to poor Lindsay Lohan.

6. Constantly talking about hot women on TV

Your girl is more than likely a realistic person. She does not pretend that you don't fantasize about the perfect specimens on TV. If she could be perpetually 22 years old and work out for a living, she might choose to do so. But to point out how fine the WWE Divas are every Friday on Smackdown and each Monday when you watch Raw is just disrespectful. By the way, she doesn't watch Edge's matches for the wrestling ability.

5. Homophobia

When she hugs a female friend, do not accuse them of being lesbians, no matter how much you wish it was true. Conversely, don't call her gay male friends mean names or try to convince her that they are playing gay to get chicks. If you are homophobic you are probably sexist as well and no girl wants to come home from a hard day hanging out with her hairdresser and her girlfriends to find that you expect her to cook and clean with no help from you.

4. Cheapness

When you take her out to eat, don't refuse to order anything to save money and then sit and watch her eat alone. If you have brought home four used washing machines in the last three years, you are not being thrifty; you are being an unwise consumer. Don't buy the least expensive product because it is the least expensive. Just as the most expensive item is not necessarily the best, the least expensive is not always the best either.

3. Persistence in unwanted intimacy

If your date wants you to stop touching her that is what you have to do. Do not grab her breasts or butt in public unless she is an exhibitionist. You are allowed to ask your girlfriend one time for a three-way with her and her hot friend; if the answer is no, stop asking. She and her friend will let you know explicitly if group sex is what they intend to grant you.

2. Jealousy

Do not tell your girl that you are the only friend she needs. Let her see her friends that she had before you met. You are not interesting enough to sustain her throughout her life with no other social interaction. And for the last time, women and men are capable of being just friends. If you don't trust her to have male friends, it is a good sign that you are the one who is not trustworthy.

1. Commanding her to smile

You have no idea how much women hate this one. You are invalidating her feelings when you say, "smile, its not that bad!" What do you expect to accomplish? She is not a decoration, she is a person. There may be a good reason she isn't grinning. Do you ask men to smile? No, because you would get your ass kicked.