Eighteen Things to Remember in Dating a Zombie

Zombies are extremely popular these days. They are big hits in the box office. Wouldn't it be nice to date a Zombie? Here are some important things to remember when dating a Zombie:

1. Zombies prefer knock dead gorgeous women. If you're homely, your chances of dating a Zombie are drastically reduced.

2. Zombies love to eat finger food. You'll hardly miss your left index finger if you offer it to a Zombie.

3. Zombies only like to slow dance. They are rather clumsy at times. If you try to do a radical swing, your date might just fall apart.

4. Zombies never sweat. They may smell of rotten decay, but they'll never need underarm deodorant.

5. Zombies may appear gravely ill at times. Don't be alarmed! Just shake them up three times, and they'll be just fine.

6. Zombies do not like to be given flowers on a date. They get enough flowers by their burial plot.

7. Zombies do not drink alcohol. It would just go right through them. Don't be tempted to order one for them even if they request a stiff one.

8. Zombies do not drive cars. They do not own a driver's license. If an airbag ever hit a Zombie, it would be the end of him.

9. Zombies do not like small talk. After all, Zombies cannot talk. However, if you like to grunt, it will be perfectly acceptable.

10. Zombies love to listen to the music of the Grateful Dead.

11. Zombies do not kiss very well. Be careful that a Zombie doesn't accidentally rip off your cheek.

12. Zombies are patriotic. If you take your Zombie date to a ballgame, expect him to salute the flag. Just watch out that his hand doesn't come off in the process.

13. Zombies are never going to win the best dress contest awards. Do not take your date to an elegant restaurant. You'll be tossed out on your ear. Do you really want to hold on to your date's ear for the remainder of the evening?

14. Zombies love to play the game Musical Caskets. Go ahead and play the game with your date. If you lose the game, you might just end up in your very own casket. Sounds like a lot of fun.

15. Zombies love to see a good movie. If you really want to have a special time, take your date to see Dawn of the Dead. You'll have your Zombie date eating out of your hands. Just make sure that he's not actually eating one of your hands.

16. Zombies do not care about health care reform. After all, they're dead. Don't bore them with subjects concerning health. Again, keep small talk to a minimum. Remember the golden rule of Zombie dating: Talk less and smile more. Zombies love to see smiles since they don't have any teeth themselves.

17. Zombies do not tan and they do not get haircuts. Accept your Zombie date the way he is. He's not going to change his appearance or his habits.

18. Finally, Zombies are not pets. Do not treat your date as such. Never tell your Zombie date to go fetch something. He's likely to bring back an arm or a leg.