Elation and Fear: Becoming a First Time Dad

I will remember the day forever, or more accurately I should say the early morning. The moment my wife said my name I knew something was going on. Normally, when she wakes me up this early in the morning with this particular tone, something is wrong, but not this morning. Everything was very right.

We had been trying to get pregnant for almost a year and had honestly been contemplating going through all the testing that comes with the thoughts of possible infertility, and then all of that, in one bright shiny moment, came to a screeching halt. We were pregnant.....finally.

My initial feelings were of sure joy. I was for certain that there something wrong with us, and that we were never going to have kids of our own, and suddenly God had proved me very wrong one more time. My wife jumped into the bed, I hugged her, and we just enjoyed the pure excitement that comes from knowing that the two of us could create a new life; the pure pleasure of knowing that we were finally going to be parents and get to enjoy all of the things that come with parenthood.

Since that day I have had many things run through my head. I had visions of walking with my kids on hikes, and being able to share with them the passion that I have for the outdoors. I've had dreams of them handing over those passions to their kids, and also had the thought that my wife and I's genetics could be passed on to another. It is great stuff. It is mind boggling and yet so great at the same time.

To be honest, in the next few weeks after, my initial joy turned into a lot of apprehension. Had I taken into account what it was going to take to be a parent? Had I come to realize the financial aspect of affording a child? Did I really think that I was ready to become a father, and with my wife, be responsible for another human's life? What had I gotten myself into?

The first thing I do when doubt starts to set in is read. With reading comes knowledge, and I needed all the knowledge I could handle to ease my fears and find out everything I could about bringing a kid into this world. Of course there isn't a parent's manual out there. Sure there are many different publications and writings on the subject, but when it comes down to a book with an index that you can look up "poopy diaper", and find the answers you're looking for, they don't exist.

Even without the existence of such a manual I still started to read everything I could possibly read about expectant fathers. There are many good publications out there now that cover the whole baby spectrum, from conception to toddler, that help to give Dad's and Dad's-to-be advice on this wonderful, frightening thing, we call Fatherhood. I couldn't get enough of them and to say that I was a little awe struck at the vast amount of information is an understatement.

I am happy to say that after some time, some reading, and some deep thinking those wonderful thoughts of being a Dad for the first time begin to return. Just the thought that you have managed to create life is awe inspiring. Never have I felt as connected to my wife as I do now. I will not say that there won't be trying times, because we all know that with any relationship that is bound to happen, but once you know that life is being created and molded every day inside your significant others body, you will never be the same. It is truly is a life changing event, and one that I will never forget.

We are only 3 months along and every day brings new things that we have never experienced before: Ultrasounds, seeing the baby's heartbeat, and watching your partner ever so slowly start to change. Once you have seen life being created right before your eyes, as I've said before, you will never be the same.

As the days go by, and a good portion of the fear has subsided, I have turned my attention back to the more important things. I still continue to read every book I can. It helps me to slow down and focus on the things that are important at this point in time such as bonding, and taking care of my wife's needs. It's easy to get caught up in all the preparations for a baby and forget to slow down and realize the miracle that is happening before you.

As I lay down every night my thoughts still wander to a nice open field and my son/daughter straggling along behind me, eager for me to show them what this world is all about. Whenever you get here I'll be sure to answer every question you have!