Election Guide: Illinois Statewide Offices

For those uninformed about Illinois politics, here is a rough history of the last eight years: George H. Ryan, who was the Lt. Governor from 1983-1991, Secretary of State from 1991-1999, and Governor from 1999-2003 was a very naughty man who, in the vein of many previous Illinois politicians such as Dan Walker, Otto Kerner, and the entire Daley family, was caught in a corruption scandal. Last month he was sentenced to six-and-a-half years in prison.

Consequently, Illinois politics is about smearing your opponent to be more immoral and corrupt than you are. In 2002, many think Jim Ryan lost the governor's race because his last was Ryan. I'm not kidding.

If this year's commercials are any indication, this year, too, will come down to which candidates are less affiliated with corruption and George H. Ryan, and therefore I present this guide dependent on who is closer to Ryan or more corrupt.

GOVERNOR

This year's primary candidates for governor are incumbent Democrat Rod Blagojevich and Republican Judy Baar Topinka, who is currently the State Treasurer. Topinka is running on a platform of opponent graft; she accuses Blagojevich of giving no-bid contracts to friends, overemphasizing the Chicago area, and other "where's the money going?" crimes. Lately, she has been emphasizing that his is under investigation by the FBI, and is demanding that he "come clean." In fact, of Judy's twenty most recent press releases, twelve are about Rod Blagojevich's corruption and graft tendencies. Three are about what Judy will do as Governor. Blagojevich, on the other hand, accuses Topinka of being State Treasurer during a massive scandal involving state money, a charge which she cannot deny. Furthermore, Blagojevich has started a "Topinka Watch" and runs a set of commercials with the tagline "What's She Thinking?" designed to smear Topinka as having a loose, corrupt fiscal record. Blagojevich's last five press releases all concern Topinka.

The verdict? Blagojevich will win because his focus on Topinka will remind voters that she was a part of the Ryan administration. No matter how tangent she was, she can't erase that. His ad campaign is slicker and he's the incumbent Democrat in a year when being Republican isn't as cool as it used to be (in a state that is majority Democrat).

LT. GOVERNOR

Usually Illinois voters match their Governor and Lt. Governor together, but is there anything here that will either cause them to change their minds or influence the Gubernatorial race? No. Democratic incumbent Pat Quinn, though a tax attorney, stays out of the spotlight enough to prevent his name from being dragged in the mud. His challenger is Republican Joe Birkett, an unsexy attorney who brings nothing to the table that can help or hurt Judy. Heck, I watch television and I had to look him up online. Quinn is probably corrupt, but that won't stop him from being reelected with Rod.

SECRETARY OF STATE

Democrat incumbent Jesse White is one of the most respected politician in the state. None of the state's wealthy Republicans have yet to smear him directly to either Ryan's misdealings or Blagojevich's in the eyes of the public. Honestly, I have no idea how he's managed to avoid the landmine given that there is some dirt out there about him. His public record of making commercials about organ donation and the lack of sharp smear tactics against him now will lead to victory in November.

However, that doesn't stop Dan Rutherford from trying! The Republican challenger eschews talking about what he will do, instead bringing to light the fact that White gave a bunch of money and contracts to his own family, his agency director Cecil Turner was convicted on capital crime, and that he has some money leaks in his office. However, Rutherford simply does not have the resources to compete with White and his important message is going to be drowned out. I should mention here that Rutherford used to be the State Senator for my hometown, so I've met him before and wish he would win, but he just doesn't have the guns to do it (part of that because he's from Central Illinois, you Chicago people who would rather have corruption than a downstater...sorry, digression).

STATE TREASURER

Here we have a wide-open race with Judy Baar moving to the Governor's race and not re-running here. In the Republican corner, we have Christine Radogno. Like Topinka, she is Republican and female, which could connect her straight back to George Ryan. She supposedly won the first debate, but honestly, I don't think anyone pays attention to those. In the Democratic corner sits Alexi Giannoulias, a young Greek-American who pushes ethical standards and fiscally-responsible policies (that'll get him far!). Like Rod Blagojevich, he is male and has an ethnic name deriving from a Balkan country. Since both of them will be psychologically tied back to their corrupt Gubernatorial associates, let's talk about the Green Party candidate, Dan Rodriguez-Schlorff. With his voter-friendly Hispanic-German last name, Rodriguez-Schlorff is running on a candidacy of ethanol. Unlike "political honesty," ethanol means something to downstaters whose economy runs on corn prices.

Who will win this tense race? With three unknown candidates, it will be whoever gets the most smearing done in late October. I don't mean to sound shallow or humorous, this is seriously how people choose to vote in the wide-open races.

COMPTROLLER

The Comptroller race this year is between Republican State Senator Carole Pankau and incumbent Democrat Dan Hynes. Pankau has taken the strategy of attacking Hynes' record on the Medicaid crisis currently plaguing the state. This is an incredibly bad move for Carole. Even though the state's current budget issues pertaining to the elderly are important, when it comes to an office like Comptroller, no one cares enough to pay attention to them. She should be smearing his name with Blagojevich's and Ryan's like crazy (he's been the "fiscal watchdog" for both), but three of her five most recent press releases are about Medicaid. Expect Hynes to win.

So there you have it! Illinois politics is all about corruption and smearing your opponents. Is candidate x like George Ryan? Is he or she like Blagojevich or Topinka? How is he or she connected to the Daley family?

Look for Illinois to be one place the Democrats will have a good time, even though my personal solution is to vote Green Party or Socialist and give them a crack! They can't do much worse in the corruption and graft department, and that's saying something!