Eliminate Conflicts and Anger

Words are our main form of communication, and they carry the power to make us happy or sad, aggravated or content. How can something that has no actual material reality have such a powerful effect over us emotionally and physically? We need to realise that words are given their power strictly by the receiver, or the listener. However, there are ways to release ourselves from the effects of other people's words. Consider the following; "If someone gives you a present, and you do not accept it, who does it belong to?" If someone throws a ball at you, and you don't react to catch it, it would bounce right off your body and fall away.

We each interpret the meaning of words according to our own opinions which are in effect our own prejudiced view of the world. Our subjective view of the world is the veil which stands between us and everything else. Every word, sound, smell, sight and interaction that reaches our mind and intellect passes through this subjective veil of interpretation.

The veil is built of the accumulated opinions and views which we have been forming since birth. So the veil is basically our personality, the persona we adopt to live each day, through which we experience our life, whether it be good or bad, filled with conflict or harmony. This personality can change and grow, or it can stay the same. We have a choice.

Words are the weapon of insults and emotional manipulation. We are constantly manipulated by other peoples words, whether we know it or not, this is the nature of the reactive being, it is the default state of consciousness when one is not fully present. This too can change.

We can disarm the power of words when we recognize and acknowledge the ease with which words can be used to subtly manipulate the events of every day. Then we can avoid being insulted or hurt. Being hurt by spoken words can cause upset and anger, which may lead to an argument or walking away in anger. Basically, misunderstood words that are interpreted subjectively through the veil of personality are the cause of most conflicts. Conflict cannot exist for an objective person.

Our opinion of a word can be the cause of a conflict or argument: something is said and we interpret it the way we think they meant it or our personal subjective opinion of the meaning of the word will be taken without an objective view. Learning how to see all interactions and events objectively is the key to freedom and elimination of confrontation.

EXERCISES

1 The first exercise is to not listen to the words alone, but experience your emotional state as you converse.

The goal is to maintain a state of calm and balance. Words are sticks and stones that can throw us off balance if we give them the power and strength to do so, but if you learn to question your own mind and opinions, then you may find that your understanding or definition of some words is not always what the other person meant.

2 Another exercise is to spend some time as if you do not speak English. See it as a new language, so you have to question each word and look for its meaning from the point of not understanding. Do this consciously by entering a conversation where you will deliberately take the view that you do not understand the language of the other person. Put in the effort to try and understand. Since you cannot understand the words, you are forced to act almost psychically to comprehend what is being conveyed. Forget about the words and what you think they may mean, but try to understand the concept and the emotion behind the speaker and what they are trying to impress on you. Let go of your opinion of what the definition of the words may be. The best time to do this is when you are getting upset by someone or something which is being said. Watch how quickly a normally irritating situation becomes neutral or even pleasant.

Simply put, we interpret words based on our mental and emotional state, self esteem and so on. Someone who loves you says something to support you with what they think is in your best interest and love, and you get upset and hurt, or run off crying. Why? Because you took it one way and they meant it another. Isn't this common? To put an end to this simply practice the above exercises as often as possible in order to develop an objective view of words rather than a subjective interpretation of their meaning based on your personal state. If I say something, then the words must be taken according to my emotional state, not the listeners. If I am not developed enough to know how to speak correctly or respectfully, then why should the listener get upset with my words. I, the speaker, am the one with the problem, not the listener, yet the listener reacts. It all goes back to the baby peeing in the diapers just after you changed them. You cannot get upset with the baby who has no self control. Likewise, see all those whose words hurt you as that out of control baby, helpless and lost, searching but unable to control their functions. Remember the saying, 'verbal diarrhoea!'

3 Practice precision in your speech, watching for exaggeration but being accurate in the words you say. Using exaggerated words to describe the weather, or the traffic, the weight of a bag, the length of a fish, expressions of effort, eg. 'I was about to die' or ' it was killing me'.

The following is an extract from the book: 'Practical Mysticism' by David Samuel

We speak with words and listen to them, but what are words? They are sounds that convey ideas. If I say the word horse, it may immediately conjure up in your mind an image of the animal we have come to know as a horse, but to someone who does not speak English the word will fail to bring any image to mind. Hence while either speaking or listening, it is of no use to get lost in words themselves; instead, we need to focus on the meanings behind them, on the ideas they are conveying.

Words are among the most dangerous powers a person can wield. When what we hear is not what the other person is trying to say-and conversely, when what we want to say is not what the other person is hearing-a conversation can quickly turn into a confrontation.The best precautions are first, not to take the words we hear literally, and second, not to trust our interpretations of others' statements. If you are in a bad mood and looking for trouble, you will interpret a sentence in one way, whereas if you are in a peaceful state of mind, your interpretation may be the opposite, resulting in an altogether different conversation. You alone are responsible for your reactions to the words of others. You can pick up a knife and stick it in your own heart or you can leave it on the table-the choice is yours.

My grandfather once told me a story that illustrates how easy it is to misinterpret words and respond inappropriately. When he got off the ship on his first visit to Morocco in 1920, he was approached by a local who made his living helping tourists. The man asked my grandfather if he needed a hotel. He did not, he replied. "Perhaps a nice woman?" the man continued. Being married he replied: "Definitely not!" Then the man asked, "You want couscous?" My grandfather, being ignorant of Moroccan cuisine, thought he was being cursed and replied, "You go to hell!"

The moral is this: Don't get lost in your interpretation of the words you hear, especially if you are not certain of their meaning or intent. Many arguments erupt because we interpret words according to what they mean to us rather than to the speaker. However, once you understand that words are nothing more than concepts with a meaning understood individually by each person and not necessarily identically by everyone else, your perspective will quickly expand. You will discover that words are only the beginning-a means of opening the mind to receive a thought. To bring this expanded perspective to the messages you convey, imagine that every word in your vocabulary has a thousand meanings. Accepting that your words will have different meanings to different people will greatly improve your ability to communicate without conflict.