EMDR: Eye Movement Desensitization

I'm not an expert by any means, but I have been through many sessions of Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing or EMDR for short. Since I've been through it, I understand what may be going through your head as the idea of using it as part of your therapy is being introduced to you. I know that when it was being described to me, I found myself wondering if my therapist had gone over the deep end and if they weren't actually one of those quacks who had some how forged documents and school records in order to get hired as a therapist. The other thing that weighed heavily on my mind as I thought about doing EMDR as part of my therapy was wanting to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it wasn't hypnosis of any kind. I didn't like the idea of not being in control of what was happening to me at all times, because of my lack of trust in people in general. I talked about the process involved with EMDR and asked my therapist lots of questions, while at home in between sessions, I was digging through what seemed like hundreds of websites learning everything I could about EMDR and finding out what others thought of it. After I learned that it wasn't anything like hypnosis, and that I could stop at any point during an EMDR session, my decision came down to answering a single question... "What do I have to lose?" Since I was already living in a reality that was often swarming in chaos and turmoil within me, I decided I would give it a try.

I admit that I felt like a complete idiot as my therapist began waving her fingers back and forth as I concentrated on the worst part of an assault, a negative thought or belief I had because of the assault, and what I wanted to believe instead. At first, I felt nothing but stupidity for even considering trying EMDR, but after I got that tucked away so it wasn't the primary focus of what was going on inside me, I began to see, and in some ways re-experience the trauma that I chose to work on. In a sense, it was a controlled flashback for lack of a better description. The memories flew through my mind some moved slower, but they were always moving past my mind. Sometimes I would have visuals of the situation, while other times, it was intense emotions or body sensations. Once things stopped coming up, and I started to reach a point to where I was too exhausted to continue processing more memories, my Therapist had me change my focus to my safe place as I watched her fingers wave back and forth. This brought me a sense of comfort and helped me to feel safe again and know that everything would somehow be okay.

Initially after an EMDR session, I would go home and collapse from being exhausted because of the intensity of what I had been processing. I quickly noticed some pretty big changes though. I had been having nightmares every night, and flashbacks during the day almost as often. After doing the EMDR the first time, I was able to sleep the entire night without waking up terrified for the first time in years. I also noticed that there was a decrease in the frequency of my flashbacks. Over time, I developed endurance when it came to EMDR I don't feel the need to sleep for the next 24 hours afterwards. I sleep every night and rarely have nightmares, but if I do have nightmares, I let my therapist know and we do EMDR on what the nightmares are about and I'm back on track again.

I have Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), formerly called Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD), and as each of my dissociative parts surfaced, they were often in similar shape to what I had been in before starting with EMDR. My therapist would do EMDR with them, using the same process as she did with me, in addition to redirecting their energy to something good or helpful, and as a result, my system of insiders as I call them, are very unique in that they all help each other and get along. Most people with DID aren't that fortunate and often their systems are full of pain and anger. My childhood included torture that is far worse then any prisoner of war held by the American Military would be required to endure, and realistically speaking, I'm very fortunate to be alive. If EMDR can bring peace, order and stability to my life, then anyone willing to give EMDR a chance should benefit from it as long as you are ready to do the work. The thing with EMDR is that if you are not ready to do the work, your mind won't let you process anything during EMDR, so there has to be some timing there as well. It is very safe and unobtrusive. Unlike therapy where you talk to the therapist for the whole hour, you may only end up talking for 10 minutes out of that hour, yet you will be accomplishing more in that hour then what you might accomplish in a month of talking.

At the time I wrote this, I had been working with my therapist for about 2 years, and with having DID, according to the generalized estimates of how long it should take for someone like me to progress, I'm ahead of schedule so to speak, since on average it generally takes a minimum of 4 years of intensive therapy for someone with DID to begin to show signs of stability. Without the EMDR, I would be part of that statistic, so I encourage you to seriously ask yourself, "what do I have to lose?" Then hopefully if you are honest with yourself, you will decide that you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by trying EMDR. Also know that you can't mess up when you are doing it, there is no right or wrong way to experience the memories or a right or wrong way of telling your therapist what you are feeling or seeing during the breaks between sets. You are doing it right no mater what you say or experience during the session.

Life does get better and sometimes EMDR is the key to finding the good stuff in life.