Emetophobia and SSRI's

There is not a day that goes by that I don't wish I had a simpler phobia, say fear of flying, because i just would not fly in a plane. Vomiting is something natural, something that happens, and no matter how many anti-emetics, packages of benadryl, or prescriptions of compazine you keep on hand it is not something that you can avoid.

I have been managing my emetophobia for the past ten years by taking SSRI's. I took Zoloft for five years, a whopping 200mg. When that failed I took Paxil, but that made me nauseous, not a good combo with a fear of vomiting. I took Effexor for another two years, and I am actually just getting off another three year stunt of Zoloft.

The reasoning behind the medication, or in some cases maybe even over medication, is that SSRI's are said to be eeffective for Depression, some may be effective for anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, eating disorders. Doctors love to play around with the reason that you have a phobia. I was told several reasons, OCD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, heck I even lived with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder for two years. SSRI's just seem to be a catch all if your brain is not quite right, and honestly, whose brain is? The irony of all of my diagnosis' is that I was never diagnose with emetophobia by a therapist. No one ever even told me their was such a phobia, I had to find out about it on my own via Internet research and accidentally stumbling on an article that claimed Denise Richards had the phobia.

I have happily taken my "crazy pills" as my husband so lovingly calls them for the past ten years. I even took zoloft during my pregnancy, a bit controversial I know, but I thought that I would be one big panic attack if I didn't. Darn that morning sickness.

After my daughter was born I wanted to see what life was like without zoloft. I wanted to see if my emetophobia was really so all consuming that I couldn't function without the drugs. I slowly, with the assistance of a very supportive physician, cut back further and further until I was off the drugs.

I do still have emetophobia, but I don't see my life as all that different without the SSRI's. I haven't had a full on panic attack yet, but my daughter who is still under a year, has projectile vomited twice this past week. Amazingly enough I was able to take care of her. Amazingly enough I didn't have those crazy reoccurring thoughts that I used to have when someone got sick.

I don't feel like I am over the my fear of vomiting. I will never be over that. I dream of a cure, but SSRI's have been a crutch for the past ten years that I am willing to give up. I have a support system that knows that I will melt down should I ever be in a car or an enclosed space with someone who vomits. They will never understand it, but they are know it and will help me.

I don't regret taking SSRI's for all those years. It did help with the phobia, but as of now I don't need them, and hopefully I will never need them again.