Emotional Baggage in Relationships

Almost everyone today who has experienced a failed relationship is carrying around some degree of emotional baggage. The problem with these left over feelings is that they are usually negative in nature, causing fears and doubts that carry over into future relationships. This can very well sabotage relationships that would otherwise have long term potential. The tricky thing about emotional baggage is that most of us do not realize that we are carrying it even after it has presented itself time and time again within our romantic relationships. It is essential to learn how to recognize our own emotional baggage in order to enjoy healthy and happy relationships in the future.

Emotional baggage occurs when we experience a hurt within a relationship and that hurt is not resolved or dealt with. We then internalize those negative feelings and develop fears that we may or may not be aware of. When we then go onto the next relationship, these same fears and negative emotions trigger negative or irrational thoughts and behaviors within us. These behaviors then have a negative impact on the new relationship. Instead of protecting you from having the original hurtful experience repeat itself, these behaviors can actually cause that experience to recur time and time again. The fears and hurt feelings only then grow and now become justified within your own mind as correct. This creates a cycle that you then feel unable to escape from in your romantic life.

Taking inventory of your romantic past can help you in pin pointing where emotional baggage may be causing problems. Being able to identify the problem is the key in being able to put an end to it. Make a list, mental or otherwise, of the romantic relationships you have been involved in and the issues that occurred within them. It is important to look for and notice patterns that have formed and continue on from one relationship to the next. These patterns will help you locate where in relationships your negative behaviors have an impact. Remember that you are not at fault for every problem that may arise in every relationship. However if you notice the very same problems arise in every relationship then you need to take a closer look at any negative emotions and fears that you may have. The only factor that all of your relationships have in common, positive or negative is you. Therefore you know that the only way to stop those same problems from presenting themselves in yet another relationship lays within you.

In order to heal your emotional baggage and prevent it from possibly costing you yet another relationship, you must recognize the roots of your emotional pain or fears and acknowledge your accountability in them. Review the event or experience that you feel caused your emotional baggage and identify your role in the experience. Allow yourself to learn from that experience and forgive yourself, often misplaced guilt can be the cause for fear. Allow yourself to truly acknowledge that your past does not have to dictate your future. In doing so release all of the emotional hurt and fears that were weighing you down and standing in the way of your seeing each individual relationship for its own merit and potential. It can be difficult to let go of the security blanket of past behaviors but assure yourself that you no longer need them. Being able to see and experience each relationship for itself is the key to determining its rightful potential and to experiencing harmony vs. creating chaos in your romantic life.