Emotional Health Help: Coping Strategies for Dealing with the Damsel in Distress

You can always spot the damsel in distress. She's wrings her hands imploring; but when you've taken pity, she casts an imperious, critical eye over what you've done and declares it 'not quite right'. Don't let this Needy Nora fool you. She may come off like a shrinking violet, but she's as pernicious as crabgrass. She's Blanche Dubois 'always relying on the kindness of strangers', but she's comes out guns blazing if you try to cross her. Just look at Scarlett O'Hara. Now there's a damsel in distress in steel-toed dance slippers if every I saw one.

I use a female pronoun because we are more familiar with female examples of damsel in distress. But as anyone who has worked for a pompous, fork-tongued middle manager can attest, the male sex breeds 'dons in distress' too. These people are implacable, behind a facade of patient martyrdom. They suffer with heroic endurance the shortcomings of their would-be helpers and assistants. Everyone is just so woefully inadequate, they confide. You just can't get good help these days. Be make no mistake. It's everyone's job to assist, help and care for these folks. Nothing is every their fault.

You know these people. They often spearhead committees, groups, clubs and parent meetings. That's what they do best. Telling others what to do. And then being just a leetle bit dissatisfied. 'Of course', they bemoan, 'if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. But honestly, I'm just pulled in so many directions. I wish there were two of me, but I'm only one person.' And you are supposed to feel obliged, nay honored to rescue the damsel who has 'so much on her plate'.

But that is just what you must not do. This person likely has a history of chronic rescuing. She loves to volunteer and see her name plastered all over the place, for her contributions. But you should know that those contributions were most likely made by a someone else, to bail her out. You need to take a good look at how much you may already be doing. I don't care if it's a major committee meeting at work, or a newspaper drive at school. Don't undervalue what you are already doing or giving. Don't let the damsel convince you that you 'should' be doing this, that or anything else. Let's quit enabling the damsel in distress. The best medicine for the Don or Damsel is for him or her to fall flat on her face. Maybe then she'll appreciate the efforts of others and get the message that other people see through her. If not, at least you haven't gotten stuck in her sticky web.

For more on emotional health issues, visit me at www.healthhelp4u.blogspot.com and www.emotionalhealthhelp.blogspot.com.