Emotional Impact of a Miscarriage

The experience of a miscarriage can be devastating for anyone. To help explain the emotional impact of a miscarriage and for tips on coping with a miscarriage, I have interviewed psychologist Charles B. Wasserman, Ph.D.

Tell me a little bit about yourself.
"I am a licensed Psychologist in both Pennsylvania and Delaware with over 25 years of professional experience. I primarily provide individual and couples therapy to people 17 years and older. I am also involved in consulting to geriatric facilities in PA and DE providing evaluations, psychotherapy and staff and family educational services."

What type of an emotional impact can a miscarriage have on someone?
"The initial impact is a grief reaction. There are several recognizable stages that a person goes through when grieving a miscarriage. The first is a shock/denial stage. The tendency is to either not believe or try to deny and rationalize the fact that a miscarriage is occurring. The prospective parents may try to minimize the early stages of a miscarriage or detach themselves from what is happening.

The next stage is characterized by the emotional recognition of the loss. Often people feel very depressed, angry, panicky and/or guilty. In an attempt to understand what has happened, the man or woman may search for reasons for the miscarriage. Often there are a lot of 'If only -- ' statements. These statements are an attempt to establish a sense of power and control when what they are feeling is utter powerlessness and loss about the miscarriage.

Finally, as the couple works through the grief they reach a point of acceptance of what has happened. By acceptance, it is meant that the couple can go on with their lives recognizing that the miscarriage was a terrible loss for them.

For the Woman

In addition to the significant hormonal fluctuations and accompanying emotional volatility, a severe grief reaction is also likely and very understandable. For the couple, sometimes even before the conception of the baby, a fantasy process begins. The couple begins thinking about what the baby will be like, how the baby will look, how as parents' their lives will change after the baby arrives, how the other children in the family may react to the baby, and how the family will grow and change with the arrival of their new family member. With a miscarriage all of these fantasies are destroyed. All of the hopes, expectations, and dreams about and for this new life are lost, and these losses need to be grieved.

For the Man

When it comes to pregnancy and childbirth, men are often the forgotten half. Only recently have there been information, books, and support organizations to assist fathers in emotionally preparing for parenthood. Despite often being overlooked, it is perfectly normal and understandable that, following a miscarriage, a father-to-be would experience a profound feeling of grief and loss. However, as a result of socialization, the father-to-be may express his grief differently than a mother-to-be, via action, or even silence. However, this should not be interpreted as not grieving or caring. Men also feel the need to be strong for their loved ones and tend to take on the role of the consoler rather than the one needing the consoling. It is important to allow a father the room in his own space to talk about his loss.

For the Couple

Since a miscarriage is a traumatic event, it can have a tremendous impact upon the couple. Some couples do not survive such a loss. It is important to remember to try to be there for each other. To rally in the mutual support you can provide for each other. It is important to also remember that every person grieves in his or her own way. Don't assume that because your partner does not grieve as you do that he/she is not grieving.

For the Rest of the Family

Miscarriage does not only affect the couple. Since we do not live in isolation, a miscarriage can touch others in the family, such as the other children in the family, potential grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.

It is particularly important to recognize that the other children in the family also suffer a loss when a miscarriage occurs. It is important to provide support for the other children in the family. Since children believe they are the center of the universe, it is possible that they may feel responsible for what has just happened, they may also fear their own mortality after the miscarriage has occurred. It is important to support them and reassure them that they are not responsible for what has happened and to provide support as they deal with the loss of their brother or sister."

What can someone do to recover from a miscarriage?
"One of the most important things one can do to recover from a miscarriage is to allow themselves to grieve. This means to allow themselves to talk about the loss as a real loss and seek out support and comfort. To talk about their loss as an emotional reality not just a medical event. Some people find grieving rituals, including religious services or seeking comfort via ones faith and even burial rituals to help put closure to the loss."

What type of professional help is available for someone that is having a difficult time emotionally recovering from a miscarriage?
"The types of professional help available for recovering from a miscarriage include the use of psychotherapist for grief counseling. Counseling can be beneficial for both women and men. Additionally, couples counseling can be helpful as a traumatic loss can have a devastating impact on the relationship. Finally, religious counseling can be helpful as a miscarriage can raise spiritual and questions of faith. Another nonprofessional resource to aid in the recovery from a miscarriage is a support group. Not only can a support group aid a person in feeling deeply understood but can give hope for the future as different members may be at varying points in the recovery process."

Thank you Dr. Wasserman for doing the interview on the emotional impact of a miscarriage. For more information on Dr. Wasserman or his work you can check out his website at www.drcwasserman.com.

Recommended Readings:
Miscarriages: Causes & Help

How to Recover From Infant Loss

Parents Recovering From Infant Loss