Emotional Intelligence

What is intelligence anyway? And what does that have to do with emotions? Way, way back about two thousand years ago, Plato's philosophy said, "All learning has an emotional base." Somewhere along the way, and certainly in the 300 years that the United States has been settled, popular opinion has been the opposite of Plato's. "Emotions get in the way; emotions aren't rational; emotions are messy; emotions keep you from getting ahead; emotions belong to women, and we all know they don't make good decisions" has been more or less the general feeling in this country.

But in the past thirty years, serious thought is being given to emotions. People want more from life than logic. More and more people are recognizing that emotions might be of value after all. I don't think it is a coincidence that general interest in emotions and how these feelings can be used to enhance lives began roughly about the same time that women became more active in public life.

Emotional intelligence concerns itself with the areas where intellect and emotion meet. The term EQ or "emotional quotient" was used in 1990 by authors Peter Salovey and John Mayer. They claim that emotional intelligence is scientifically testable, as much as "intelligence" or the old IQ.

There are four parts to emotional intelligence:

1. perceive or sense emotions

2. use emotions to assist thought

3. understand emotions

4. manage emotions

It is important to know that head doesn't triumph over heart or vice versa in this type of intelligence. Emotional intelligence is the unique intersection of both.

Even a newborn baby has the first part of emotional intelligence down pat. In fact, the preverbal child is probably the best at that "perceiving or sensing emotions" because pure emotion hasn't been clouded or disguised by words; nor has an infant learned anything about using or managing his emotions.

By the time that child is about three or four years old, he has learned the second part of emotional intelligence: using emotions to assist thought. Usually, a preschool aged child can tell you he is angry, sad, happy, that he loves you and hates his baby sister.

The rest of our lives are spent honing skills three and four: understanding our emotions and the emotions of others; and managing our emotions. I am sure you can think of several people right now who don't seem to be too adept at these two skills. And I'm sure the main reason is because these skills are not taught. For too long, success has been equated with cold, hard facts; rational thinking; and pure logic, at the expense of a greater intelligence when both intellect and emotion are balanced.

Emotional intelligence has been shown to be very important in improving job performance and increasing job satisfactions. In fact, physicians who are more skilled in identifying their patients' emotions are more effective at treating those patients than their highly skilled but less empathetic peers. People who demonstrate a high rate of emotional intelligence are also found to be more effective at accomplishing goals, on the job or off.

In fact, it is now being demonstrated that the number one factor in identifying who will have a more satisfying life, is a higher level of emotional intelligence; not being born to the a higher socio-economic status; not necessarily having access to better education; not being the best at playing sports; and not necessarily being the best at manipulating others.

So, with all those benefits, and considering that during our formative years, most of our educators were not that concerned with raising our emotional quotient, how can we improve our emotional intelligence and reap some of the benefits?

According to an EQ Consultant named Kate Cannon, there are seven techniques that will increase your emotional intelligence. They are:

Appreciate. Take time every day to appreciate what's right in your world and in your life.

Name your feelings. Learn specific words for your emotions and become more accurate in expressing them.

Befriend yourself. Think of the advice you would give your best friend, and then take it. Lighten up on yourself, quit smoking, eat better, and give yourself compliments.

Listen. When you listen with your heart, you not only create an emotional connection with the speaker, but listening can lower your blood pressure.

Talk to yourself. But be nice. Be louder than that negative, judgmental, critical voice in your head, and you will see more options and feel better!

Body talk. Tune in to your body and notice where and when you feel different things.

Smile! Facial expressions have definite feelings attached to them. Smile, even if it hurts, and see how much better you feel.

Living this way will not only reduce your stress and help you to be happier, you are likely to become more popular. People like to be around someone who feels good, since those good vibes have a way of rubbing off.